Tapestry

Ends and beginnings

2011-12-29T23:56:00.001+11:00

The new year is always about ends and beginnings. And old threads reconnected.

This evening I caught up with my friend Shueh, whom I hadn't properly seen for almost 3 years - since we went our separate ways for internship. It's great to catch up on each other's lives - It's also nice to look back on the years and see how far we've come, what decisions we've made, and how certain events have shaped the direction of our lives. We both have a clearer idea of where we're heading now, and it's nice to sit and reflect together as slightly older, wiser people than where we'd left off.

I also met up with Sonia today. I am going to have violin lessons with her. It will be good to improve the standard of my playing again (which will help me to enjoy playing more as well). With my primary ED exams done, and the new year, it is a good time to do so. It has also been new beginnings for her as she commences a new career in aged care nursing. I am a little sad that she is no longer doing music full time - something she was so good at - but it is clearly something she has the right personality for.

I think that 2012 is going to be the year of beginnings. Maybe I will start a new blog, too - or just resurrect this one, although it feels a little like a relic from my younger days. Both Dave and I will be working in jobs in different areas to before (though still in hospital). A new kitchen. And maybe some other new beginnings too, God-willing.

Some holiday writing (retrospective)

2010-07-10T18:22:00.006+10:00

(The below is what I started writing during our two-week trip to Far North Queensland in July last year, meaning to complete and post on blog.)

Adventures in Far North Queensland

13-23 July 2009

Cairns

Cairns is a big tourist town. It might have been the crowded streets, full of cars (looking for parking spots, mainly), people speaking languages from all over the planet, families with kids, thong-clad young backpackers, retired holidaymakers (though less of those). There were the pubs advertising cheap meal deals, souvenir shops full of postcards, bikinis, thongs and tacky Australiana, and tour booking agencies flogging deals on fold-up boards displayed in the street. Most of all, it was the loud music that exuded from every orifice of the place, blaring out: Cairns – international partytown.

Cairns was where, as an Asian-looking Aussie, I was served by a Japanese shop assistant who complimented me on ‘such good English, after only three days here’. It was where menus came in multiple languages (once we almost got given a Japanese one), and groups of French, Belgians and Germans sizzled their sausages on the barbie down by the esplanade.

There is a large man-made lagoon on the esplanade, for swimming; however Cairns has no natural beach. There is a marina, where all the reef daytrip boats leave from, and a strip of classy restaurants; apart from that, there are just rocky mudflats all the way along the seaside walk from the lagoon to a few kilometres north where a mangrove swamp meets the sea.

On our first full day, we hired a couple of bikes and rode up along the seaside bike path, turning west just before the swamps towards the Centenary Lakes and the Cairns Botanical Gardens. There, we began our learning experience about tropical plants and rainforests that was to continue throughout our trip. We learnt to recognise Alexandra palms, fan palms and tree ferns, the latter having hardly evolved since millions of years ago when ferns ruled the earth. There, I also acquired seven or eight mosquito bites, having been foolish enough firstly to wear a sleeveless dress (which I’d bought that morning at a tourist store) and secondly to have wantonly ignored the sticks of free insect repellent provided at the entrance of the gardens!

The attraction that brings most of the tourists to Cairns, though, is of course the Great Barrier Reef. A huge array of boats of all shapes and sizes depart every day for snorkelling and diving trips, some staying out for several days, for tourists to see this amazing natural wonder, apparently visible from the moon. We took a budget reef daytrip recommended by our hostel, on an ex-pearl lugger named Falla. It was a small boat, and held less than thirty people including the crew, and was capable of sailing on windy days though our trip on this clear day was motor-driven.

The trip itself was fairly uneventful, with most of our time spent sunbaking in the boat on the long two-hour journey out to Upolu Reef and Cay. It was an enjoyable experience, though not as spectacularly so as our second trip to the reef, from Cape Tribulation. This was for several reasons, not least of which was our lack of experience with snorkelling, thus taking some time learning and adjusting to clearing water out of our masks and breathing with our mouth. This, combined with the long journey to and from the reef, meant that we had actually very little time to observe and appreciate the reef itself. The later reef trip, however, was wonderful, and will be written about in due course. Dave also tried an introductory dive, which he enjoyed very much; I, however, chickened out – perhaps will be bolder next time!

Kuranda

Kuranda is also a touristy town, but in a slightly different way to Cairns. It is really a small village set in the hilly rainforest, made famous by two engineering marvels: the scenic railway and the Skyrail. The scenic train loops its way from north Cairns to Kuranda via a windy scenic route over 90 minutes through 15 tunnels in the hills, passing by waterfalls and other lovely scenery. The Skyrail is a big cable car that descends over the rainforest canopy from Kuranda down to the plains below. The market is also supposed to be an attraction, but it was really just a few roadside stalls compared to the Queen Vic!

Unfortunately, these touristy co

mponents are really heavily flogged down in the Cairns tourist ‘information’ centres, and naturally cost an arm and a leg. It was only thanks to Lonely Planet that we found out about John’s Kuranda Bus - which took us from central Cairns up to Kuranda town for a measly $5.

... to be continued (perhaps)

A new beginning

2010-02-01T21:50:00.002+11:00

Can't believe I haven't blogged in so long.

Well, I can believe it, really... First, getting married means there is a constant companion to talk to and debrief with, so taking over part of the function of a blog; next, full-time work means there is actually very little time, not only to 'go on the computer/internet', but also time to reflect, to sort out one's thoughts.

Currently, though, I am on annual leave. The other half is off hunting... well, hunting good photo opportunities, that is. And we're just finishing up on a 1.5-week trip away from Melbourne, having spent 1 week in Sydney catching up with dear friends and another 3 days at a Christian medical conference catching up with, well, a renewed understanding of God's grace and His plans among medical schools and students around Australia. (It was a conference primarily for student leaders; Dave and I went along as 'mentors').

So while Dave is off taking a spectacularly beautiful star-studded moon-lake-reflecting photo of Parliament House in Canberra, our nation's capital, here I am with a (short) window to reflect. Short, partly because I have wasted the better part of the last hour on email, The Age Online, and checking up on what I can package at Smartsalary because the FBT year is running out and I haven't been keeping up. But enough procrastinating already! Onto reflecting.

The last 3 days have been a really encouraging, though fatiguing time. It was great meeting a whole bunch of Christian medical students from all over Australia and seeing their enthusiasm for Christ and for making a difference on their campuses. It was also great to see the many conversations that took place over the weekend where people encouraged each other and were encouraged; we were blessed to have been part of a few of these conversations. It was also great to hear a number of talks, and do some Bible studies, on Galatians, focused around the idea of being saved by grace, and grace alone. It was immensely liberating for many of us to be reminded that it is not in what we do but in what God has done that we are saved. It is something that I (and most who were there) understand intellectually, and if we were asked to write a paragraph, or maybe even an essay, on the topic we'd probably do a passable job. But it's one thing to understand with the mind, and another to understand with the heart, and really realise, in a deep sense, what this means for our lives.

For ourselves, it means that our Christian life isn't about performing acts or doing rituals - e.g. going to church, reading the Bible, attending Bible study, praying regularly, etc - though these things are good things. In relation to others, it might mean not judging others as a 'good' or 'bad' Christian based on whether they do these things. Of course, these things can be really helpful for growing as a Christian, and participation in them can demonstrate a commitment to following the things of God; but ultimately it is faith that saves, not doing these things. How can we tell when these things are becoming too 'important' to us? Perhaps by feeling self-righteous when we do them well, or conversely, feeling guilty when we haven't been doing them as regularly (these are both frequent in my personal experience). But there is no fear, and no guilt, in love. There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:1). And the only thing that matters is faith, expressing itself through love (Gal 5:60). Not 'one thing that matters'; nor even 'the most important thing'. But - 'the only thing'.

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Other things going on (reverting to point form, perhaps I've reached my 'reflection' quota of thoughts? oh dear.)

- just visited Parliament House in Canberra today. I've been many times before (NMSS and family), but twas Dave's first time, and he enjoyed it a lot. (Not that I didn't! But his enjoyment was more important cos he hasn't been before, if that makes sense. Although, I didn't really enjoy taking >1 hr to walk there cos we couldn't find the right way, and then when we got there, walking 320 degrees around the whole thing to find the main entrance, ie the wrong way - we were very silly.)

- Also had a look at the Old Parliament House (now a museum), interesting to see how the Houses changed before and after 1988. Spent afternoon at Questacon, the best science museum in Australia (although not good enough to rival the American ones; but maybe funner).

- Canberra weather is horrible - cold and windy in morning and evening, and HOT HOT HOT SUN during the day! (9am-5pm). And today I discovered that my sunglasses have gone missing.

- Heading back to Melbourne tomorrow evening... look at sorting out some more kitchen renovation stuff with parents this week... dear friend from NZ visiting... start new working year with ICU next week (on 8/2).

Until next time!

Shocking stories of working as a junior doctor

2008-11-15T12:36:00.000+11:00

I am shocked, horrified, sad and feeling daunted about starting work next year, after reading the posts at http://doctors4hospitals.blogspot.com. Though to be honest, I really shouldn't be... it's not that I haven't been aware of those problems... but to hear them described by SO MANY, in such disillusioned, disheartened and acrimonious tones is really hitting it home to me what things will be like. Another thing that really strikes me is the huge gulf between the reality and the public's understanding of these issues... where the public generally think that if you're a doctor, you've 'got it all' and 'have it made'... (and as a result when doctors complain they are just 'being greedy and want more').

A couple of quotes from the posts on the site:

"I am an intern and I have been driven close to the edge this year. Amongst other things, the amount of unpaid overtime I have had to work just to keep my patients alive is staggering.Rather than being paid automatically for overtime you have done, you have to grovel for and justify it. Nothing was more demoralising than when someone from medical administration called me to say that, despite giving reasons for working the overtime I was claiming, including thorough clinical details and patient identification numbers, my consultant had refused to authorise my overtime pay. He had crossed out the hours I had claimed and simply written "not agreed to". I think the whole hospital might have heard me yelling and cursing. It's not even about the money- as if the meagre pittance of a few hours overtime would make any difference- rather, about being valued for the hard work and long hours I put in. Personally, I hadn't "agreed" to those overtime hours as well. I had much better things to do, such as going home to my family. I stayed back because my patients needed me, and there arent enough doctors and hours in a day to attend to their pressing medical needs and the demands of their families in the 8am to 5pm shift that I'm paid for.At least one of my patients has died this year because we didnt have time for something as basic as properly managing his electrolytes. If we'd had more time, and if the relevant specialist unit wasnt full to the brim and could have taken him on, maybe he'd be alive today. I hate the medical system and the type of doctor it has turned me into; someone who cuts corners out of sheer necessity, and resents patients when they get sick at 4:45pm because I know I will have to either cut more corners, work overtime that will run me down and I wont get paid for, or hand them over to an equally stressed evening cover doctor who, come 10pm, will be faced with the same dilemma. Meanwhile patient expectations continue to climb, and I stay back until 11pm talking to a patient demanding to discharge herself because a nurse was too busy to bring her a cup of coffee. The stress really gets to me sometimes. It's not unusual for me to cry all the way home from work.I don't know how I will survive the rest of the year."

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"I identify with the comments of one of our more junior colleagues - the intern above.I too cannot stand both the doctor, and indeed the person, this system has forced me to be. I am now callous, cold, and judgemental. I am impatient with the hesitant or difficult patient in front of me when I know there are thirty more in the waiting room to go. I hate my work and my hospital, I distrust my referring colleagues and have NO faith in those who are supposed to be my administrators/managers (particularly when our HMO management consists of untrained, wet-behind the ears twenty somethings who haven't the foggiest idea which end of a stethescope is which). To be constantly operating on the brink of chaos and looking after the sickest of the sick is a tremendous burden personally, professionally, and psychologically. I too have cried often in anger, frustration and simply being strung out after too many hours on, with too many patients, too many acute issues with no support and a system which is adversarial, accusatory and defamatory. I have worked through times when the administrators don't know the difference between a neurosurgeon and a rheumatologist, a cardiothoracic doctor and a gastro-enterologist. To them they are gaps on a roster, and any name, irrespective of experience, training (a laughable concept) or ability will do.I am a fellow now. In the past ten years I have seen the system crumble, stress levels rise, the system lurch from one crisis to another, and the increasing hostilities (and assaults) from patients and families for issues I am powerless to control. These include waiting times, bed availabilities, standards of nursing care, charges for prescriptions, over crowded wards and clinics, and a hospital which has essentially been a building site since 2005 (with the bricks held on to the outside with chicken wire). My only advice to you is that you have the opportunity to get out now. The hospital experience is only getting worse, not better. There are plenty of other professions that will gladly welcome and reward a high achieving, intelligent, articulate individual such as one who has the skills to enter, and complete a medical degree. This one only serves to take its pound of flesh and devalue you at every opportunity.Me? Come February I'm gone (private interstate) too. W.A here I come!"

Welcome to 2008

2008-01-05T23:15:00.000+11:00

Just gonna blog randomly from now on... random thoughts, rather than detailed descriptions of events.

Been doing some research on bikes - something I don't know much about, and it seems that there's lots to know. Apparently, it's much harder buying a comfy fitting bike for a woman than a man. Thinking of getting a Giant Elwood SE, which will allow me to ride to study and shopping etc, as well as get out a bit more onto Melbourne's very good bike paths. The Capital City Trail (map) looks great. It'll be a fun way to relax and get healthier. Anyone want to go riding with me?

Dave's on night shift... hence wasting/passing time on the computer. It's not that I don't have anything else to do, but the heat is pretty exhausting and makes you just want to sit still (and thereby not make any more heat). Scanning the BoM site continuously... it looks as if the cool change is coming, but it's almost 11:30pm and air temp outside is still 30.6 (deg Celsius). Still can't open the windows then. Inside is probably almost that hot, but not quite (guess around 28). Our apartment is actually pretty well insulated (i.e. keeping door closed preserves inside temp well) but side effect of the small size is that any heat produced increases inside temperature by a lot - this includes fridge, boiling water, cooking (which i haven't been able to do much of due to the heat), as well as of course human beings (even doing nothing produces 10 MJ per day or something like that?)

Oh well, will go to bed, and by morning cool change will be here, God willing. Hurrah!

Conversation with gynaecologist...

2007-09-07T17:34:00.000+10:00

This afternoon, after the UMO* (our team came second!), I went to a gynaecology clinic to sit in and observe consultations. The clinic itself was rather uneventful; the doctor herself was chatty and bubbly, friendly with her patients, got on really well with her nurse, and had a young child who was at nursery. But the conversation I had with her, or rather what she said to me, just before clinic finished, rather disturbed me a little bit...

It started as quite innocuous conversation. She mentioned that her husband was going to pick up her child. I asked what her husband did. She replied, 'Oh, he's a general surgeon.'
'Oh, where does he work?' - me, continuing the general conversation.
'A bit at Cabrini and a bit at Monash.'
She seemed pretty relaxed and just finishing her paperwork for the end of the day, so I asked, 'so, what is it like being married to a surgeon?' Surgeons have a particular stereotype among medical people, so she wouldn't have thought it a strange question.

But her reaction surprised me. She stopped writing, turned around to face me, and said, 'it's crap, don't do it.' I was slightly taken aback. But she didn't seem upset, having answered in a very matter-of-fact way, so I kept going. 'Oh, really?... hmm... My fiance wants to do ENT...'

She didn't miss a beat. 'Don't do it,' she said. I must have given her a puzzled look, because she repeated it again. 'Don't do it. Don't marry him.' She continued, 'it's just not sustainable. My husband's hardly been home for the last three weeks, I've got to work and look after our three-year-old all by myself, it's just not possible. I think we're going to separate soon, it's just not sustainable.' Scribble scribble. Matter-of-fact tone. I was shocked and tried to sound sympathetic, but she didn't even sound upset.

'It's a fact,' she continued. '80% of surgeons get divorced. 80% of obstetricians** get divorced. So, you know, just look at the Venn diagram.' Her tone was so clinician-like, so matter-of-fact, she could have been talking to a patient, telling them about the chances of this or that complication from a procedure. I felt really sorry for her, sitting there, talking about her failing marriage in such a conversational tone - what must she have gone through, to be able to talk about it like that, with so little emotion?

By this time, I'd gotten my voice back. 'But people say it gets easier when you become a consultant?'

'No, it becomes HARDER when you're a consultant,' was her reply. 'People always say it becomes easier, but it's a lot harder to be a consultant. You're trying to build up a private patient base, you can't say no to referrals, you're on-call all the time...'

'Surgeons should marry nurses,' she continued. 'I used to think it was really offensive for surgeons to marry nurses. There are plenty of nice female doctors... but now I realise, it's much better. The nurses usually stop working when there are kids, so it's really good for them...'

I tried again to be sympathetic. 'Hmm, I got a bit grumpy at my fiance coz he's doing surg residency again next year. But he says he's only interested in ENT,' I added hastily. 'He says he's not interested in the other surgical subspecialties.'

'Well, ENT is a little bit better, I suppose,' she conceded, then looked at me suspiciously. 'So what's he going to do if he doesn't get in?'

'Umm..... I don't know.... something else?' 'What?' 'Umm... physician, ED, pathol -'

She looked doubtful. 'Don't marry him. Surgeons spend all their time with theatre staff and have affairs with the scrub nurses.'

Silence.

'So, were things better earlier on?' I asked, trying to change the subject ever-so-slightly.

'Yeah, they were better at the start. When we were registrars. As registrars you get a set timetable. But as a consultant, especially starting out, you can't say no to referrals. You can't afford to, it's a business. My husband never switches off his mobile. He never switches off his mobile.' She repeated emphatically as she scribbled.

I tried again. 'Umm, what if I convince him to do something else? Besides surgery.'

She looked at me doubtfully. 'I can't tell you what to do... but my advice is, don't marry him.'

So I left clinic, thoughtful and mildly disturbed.

I thought about how much I'd enjoyed the UMO earlier, how happy and carefree I was, how I felt it such a sanctuary from the medical world so full of serious concerns. How at home I felt among the maths people, in what was overtly a competition but felt so much more comfortable and non-competitive compared to the med and hospital environment. How serious and puffed-up the hospital atmosphere is. How the doctors that most inspire med students are those that come up with lines like 'being a doctor is fantastic because it's the only job where you can actually make a difference to people's lives'. How surgeons have such annoying egos. How some of the most intelligent, talented people I know are also the most humble people I know and do not reside in hospitals. How hospital staff's work lives revolve around work, tea break, gossip, and talking about their next holiday.

I find it so hard to understand life.

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* The UMO is a maths relay held by the Maths and Stats Society where maths nerds (read: me and friends of mine) get together in teams of 5 and run up and down the lecture theatre solving maths problems.
** In medicine obstetrics and gynaecology belong to the same specialty, so most gynaecologists are also obstetricians, and vice versa.

Women's Health

2007-08-04T16:41:00.000+10:00

Finished Week Two of Women's Health now. Week One was crazy, continuous lectures from 8am-4pm, Monday to Friday, with a test at the end... so exhausted by the end of the week.

Week Two I got assigned to Birth Suites (lucky me, talk about getting thrown in the deep end). Basically involves sitting around waiting for women to give birth. Me being the lucky extra person in my group, got allocated to Family Birth Centre which is manned by midwives only and for low-risk women wanting natural, intervention-free births. They usually only take midwifery students, not medical students, and generally have the view that natural is best, pain is good, and doctors, when they're required, are necessary evils. The midwives were nice enough to me though, and allowed me to ring up sometimes instead of being there all day waiting when there was nothing happening, whereas the students allocated to the other wards had to stay there the whole shift. The downside was that the FBC had a lot less turnover of patients compared to the wards, so by the end of the week I was still 2 short of my required 7 deliveries. Also I didn't get to see any epidurals, episiotomies or instrumental deliveries (vacuum or forceps) - a good thing that the women I saw didn't need them, but not-so-good medical-education-wise. Also no routine examinations or foetal monitoring (CTGs, scalp monitoring)... oh well... as they say, if I don't become an obstetrician, it won't matter; and if I do, I'll learn it all properly again anyway.

Jesus Camp

2007-07-24T15:13:00.000+10:00

Dave and I saw a documentary a couple of weeks ago, called Jesus Camp, about radical right wing 'evangelical' Christians in the United States. I was going to blog about it, but he beat me, and I enjoyed reading his so much that I don't think I could do a more articulate or perceptive job, so I thought I'd post a link to it instead.

Please let us know what you think. Especially if you've watched the doco yourself!

Scaredy Sally

2007-07-22T20:18:00.000+10:00

Thanks guys for the comments on my last entry - indeed, I feel loved. :-p
Jasmine and your obsession with healthy food - I think all food can be healthy, it's only when you eat foods disproportionately that they can become unhealthy - what do people think?

Anyway, my holidays are just about over; I start a new semester tomorrow, which starts with 9 weeks of Women's Health (i.e. obstetrics and gynaecology). Might be good to have a bit of a change from last semester's routine, trying to learn all the basic systems and examinations and practising long cases constantly. There's still a lot to learn this block, so I'm told, but there'll be exciting things to do and see that we haven't done before - like delivering babies! Actually, I'm a bit daunted by the idea of having to watch women give birth, given some of the horrible stories I've heard, but hopefully it'll be cool and exciting and I'll be able to help out in some ways - or at least, learn HOW to help in the future.

A few new things I have done in recent days - went skiing for the first time in my life, at Falls Creek, but only for one day so it was just a taster, really. It was really fun!! I would love to go back and do a longer stretch (e.g. a week) next year or something, so I can actually practise properly and go down the slope without crashing every 50 metres. It's strange because my falling is not due to losing balance; it's due to being afraid. I'm not very good at slowing down, so basically I hurtle down the slope going faster and faster and faster. Then because I'm going so fast, I start panicking that I'll lose control and miss a turn; and of course, the only way to stop it all getting worse is to throw myself to the side and fall. So my falls are all quite 'safe', but my fear is preventing me from going for a longer stretch each time. I'm not too worried, though - I figure that if I get to practise more, over several days, and gradually get better at controlling my skis, I'll panic less.

It reminds me of a memory from when I was three or four, going down a slide in a playground for the very first time. I was sitting at the top of this little slide, and my dad was at the bottom, holding out his arms, to make sure I wouldn't fall. But I was still terrified to let myself slide down; I think I started crying because I was so scared... I'm not sure what happened after that. Clearly somewhere along the way, I went down my first slide, and got over my fear.

I think I've always been quite a cautious person, never the risk-taking type. Further memories come forth: as a nine-year-old, turning around and walking back down the 3-metre diving board (I've still never dived); as a ten-year-old, striking a match for the first time with trepidation; and being one of only two students in my primary school class who were unable to do cartwheels (the other girl was quite a lot heavier, whereas I was a cross-country runner who should have been fit enough).

Oh dear... how come am divulging so many personal secrets? lol... just kidding. I am not ashamed of anything, it's just who I am, I suppose. :-)

Holidays are good

2007-07-04T13:34:00.000+10:00

My exams finished last Thursday, so I have been on holidays since then. Exams went well - very grateful to have gotten a simple AMI for my long case, with very helpful patient and wife... the physician examiner was really nice and smiled a lot, the surgeon examiner hardly smiled at all... which was as to be expected. The questions I got asked seemed very vague and broad, to the tune of 'so, what do you make of this man's impaired fasting glucose?' which doesn't provide much direction on how to begin to answer... but it was mostly okay, until the surgeon started asking me questions about coronary artery bypass grafts (CABGs)... which I didn't know very much about at all! He wanted to know how they worked, why they worked, what their indications were, and how they benefit the patient... and I just had to, basically, waffle my way through it. Some people have tried to tell me that examiners asking you hard questions is a good sign; guess I'll hope that's the case - although CABGs aren't really THAT esoteric, and in fact quite relevant in the management of heart attack patients... so... will see. Overall I think exams went quite okay - obviously nowhere near perfect, but no major disasters... and on balance I think how I performed probably did reflect my ability level... which is the most important thing, really. Now starts the wait for marks...

Not that I tend to hold my breath and stress out until the marks arrive. I tend to stress before the exam, but not after. ;-p Right now, I am just enjoying holidays. It's good having the freedom to go to bed late and get up late ;-p as in, not worry about the next day's schedule like 'I have to be up at 7:30 so must be asleep by 11:30', that sort of thing. It's also great that Dave organised three weeks of holidays at the same time as mine are - we've been able to hang out a lot, see each other for a substantial amount of time almost every day, which is really a luxury most times of the year. (Dave's planning to apply for a surgical residency job again next year, so I'm slightly worried about how much we'll see each other in our first year of marriage, but hopefully if we both stay committed to making things work, and with God's continued blessing, things will be able to work out.)

There is quite a lot of wedding planning to be done though! I visited a couple of bridal stores on Monday and tried on some dresses... might visit another one later in the week. Thinking of borrowing a veil from someone instead of buying one ($300ish), and maybe some jewellery as well. It seems almost wasteful to spend so much money on stuff that only gets worn once...

We've also got to work out things like guest list, invitations, order of service, photography etc. Been reading a lot of bridal magazines to get ideas. Realising that weddings are a huge industry! - lots of money to be made (by all except those who are wedding) and everything is hugely expensive. But I suppose it is nice to celebrate... just once. :-)

Here ends today's attempt at making this blog more cheery, and including more everyday activities and thoughts, rather than just those during crises. Please comment - I like comments, it makes me feel like I am actually writing to some sort of audience. ;-p

3 Why-s and 1 Wasn't

2007-06-28T22:59:00.000+10:00

Why is it that as soon as you begin to trust in another person to love and care for you, and think that they might in fact do, that they show themselves to be insensitive, uncaring b#!$%#s who just treat you as something on the bottom of their to-do list;

Why is it that as soon as I get upset I become angry, manipulative and selfish;

Why did God even bother making male-female relationships and marriage; sometimes it seems that the world would be better without them (I'm sure He could have created another way to have children).

Wasn't Paul a wise (not a Why-s) man when he wrote 'those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this'... (1 Cor 7:28)

Sigh...

Cardiorespy and riddles

2007-06-04T20:48:00.000+10:00

It's so silly of me to only post when things are bad, and stay silent when things are good. But there you are. I think I'm like that in ordinary life too. Just ask Dave. (;-p)

I suppose I should make an effort though, to post good things too. If only so people won't think I'm a bitter, complaining grump (lol, bet that's what you thought, wasn't it?). Actually, I'm enjoying this block a lot more now - this block being Cardiology and Respiratory Medicine (that's pulmon-AH-logy for you Americans (sorry, I guess I am in a bit of a cheeky mood atm)). The cardio residents and registrars are really nice, and we have a lot of consultant teaching, often with the same consultants, which makes a lot of difference, not only in terms of the content taught but more importantly, in the greater sense of responsibility that is taken for our learning (i.e. no longer feeling like it's ALL up to us to wander around the hospital and randomly/aimlessly pick up bits and pieces of information!).

Exam revision is also high on the agenda (3 more weeks) but I don't find myself doing much... not sure where to start really, and perhaps a bit of denial too (if I don't confront it, it ain't happening), which is clearly a bit misguided. Part of it is accessibility issue too, though - it's just easier to study cardioresp and see cardioresp patients when the staff there know us and are happy to answer our questions, as compared to, say, trying to randomly find patients on other units (especially units that are not used to having students), not even knowing when/where are the best times to locate the doctors on those units, let alone knowing them well enough to discuss patient issues with them. But cardioresp is important, anyway, and it's important to know it well.

I've been procrastinating a lot also, especially at this site: http://www.lautman.net/riddlesofriddles/
It's great fun, try it out! But be warned that it's a bit addictive (so don't go on the night before an exam, or a paper is due).

Discouraged

2007-05-01T23:11:00.000+10:00

I had some discouraging experiences with patients today. Roamed around for ages trying to find patients for a long case (this is where we spend 1 hour with the patient, get a full medical history from them and perform a basic physical examination). Obviously, not all patients in hospital are well enough for this, but usually the doctors on the wards give us names of patients who are not going too badly and are well enough to talk... but none of the patients I approached wanted to speak to a medical student. Not only that, some of them were quite rude about it too. As though a medical student was the worst pest they've ever come across. Worse than tele-marketers. Worse than beggars on the street. Or so it would seem, from their tone, anyway. As though they would prefer that med students didn't exist. Little do they care that medical students need their practice and learning in order to become the doctors that look after them (to whom they at least DO show respect) - why would they care about how good the interns are in two years time? They just want to be comfortable, now!

It's just frustrating. It takes a lot of mental motivation and stamina to psych oneself up to do a long case, preparation of notes etc... and when the patient says no it's very deflating. What happened to the days when public hospital patients felt grateful at the free treatment they received, and sought to repay some of that in what ways they could? Not to say that all the patients are like this - some are great, and I am really grateful that they are there, not only because I can do a long case, but because they are the ones that are keeping the training of medical students possible. Literally.

I believe, from reading bits and pieces of things on the internet and talking to friends overseas, that things are different in America. There, the teaching hospitals (i.e. the hospitals with medical students) have very strong affiliations with medical schools. The fact that teaching is a priority is seen in the fact that on their websites, they attract clientele by proclaiming that they are a teaching hospital (and hence have good know-how, technology etc), and that their names, if a big hospital, is actually the name of the medical school. None of this 'clinical school' within public hospital thing in Australia, their medical school IS their hospital - it's one and the same. I still remember in neuro block that on the first day, in our orientation, we were told by the neurologist that 'you can come to clinic, but you may not get a lot of teaching, depending on how many patients we have, because it's primarily a service-provision clinic, this hospital is mainly for service-provision.' Get the hint? 'We don't want you here disturbing our work, kiddos.' Yet it's not his fault. It's not his fault that there is a lot of pressure on public hospitals, already overworked and always running behind, to crunch through patients and produce, produce, produce. It's the system. And one person can hardly change the system.

It sucks. But it's a bigger problem. It's not just medical students. Interns and residents, who are supposed to be 'doctors-in-training', are the mules of the public hospital, forced to work, work, work, prohibited from attending their training sessions (which is against their contracts), prohibited from having lunch (which is against their human rights). And it's a bigger problem than that. Australia is known for its lack of emphasis and investment on education and training, on research and development. In such a society where the focus is on living a relaxed life here and now, where learning is not valued, where 'tall poppies' are frowned upon, where the eye is not cast upon the future, is it any surprise, really, the lack of support for medical students? As the great Aussie catchcry goes -

"You'll be roight, mate!"

The winter of our discontent

2007-04-29T23:40:00.000+10:00

Dave pointed out to me the other day that my blog was still hanging from my entry the other day, so here is my attempt to rectify the situation.

The fact is that I have done some thinking since the last post, and have decided that the best thing to do is probably to just do my best with the med course and graduate, and work for a couple of years - apparently working is a lot different to studying, and better. I will re-evaluate then, and by then will have more flexible options anyway, like locuming 1 day a week (like a medico from church is doing, who doesn't like his job) and doing other stuff the other days. It will be useful to have a medical degree anyhow, whatever I do in the future...

The other reason(s) I wanted to blog was that
1) I met up with Tomoko! We were so excited, as we hadn't seen each other for almost a year, since I was in Canada. But she is now here visiting an old Canadian friend, Jason, for a week and so she came to St Jude's in the morning and we had a walk through Melbourne Uni (where we fought for photography space with a wedding party) and all had lunch together. It was really good catching up... I am so grateful for having made such genuine friends on my exchange... and it was a great blessing to see her again!

2) The sermon at church was hugely inspiring today. Titled 'The Western Winter of Our Discontent', Chris Mulherin (our pastor, an ex-missionary to Argentina) so pithily and vividly pointed out the negative cultural influences our affluent Western culture has on faith... among them, the breeding of discontent. Discontent happens when what people want is different to what they have. This includes material things like money, house, car but also circumstances in life like one's work, family, and (God forbid) even spouse. Our culture's way of dealing with discontent is to try to change circumstances to fit in with our desires... but actually, the Biblical way (as exemplified by Paul in Philippians 4) is to be content: that is, alter our desires to fit in with our circumstances! Now, isn't that radical?

It's funny because I have heard this idea many times - from my Bible reading, from friends, even from my (non-Christian) parents - but never before has it lay in my mind with such clarity. Much of it has to do with Chris's inspired preaching - having been a missionary, like Paul, and perhaps being able to identify with some of Paul's experiences - gives his words real conviction. And his illustrations are so vivid, and so attention grabbing. But I know that God is the one who changes hearts, and I'm so glad He spoke to me today. And He is also the one that enables pastors to communicate their message well, so thank God for that too!

But it is so true - all of us have many sources of unhappiness in our lives - indeed we know that we can never be truly happy in this world - in our job; in our lack of time; in our relationships, or lack of relationships; in our family situations - but joy, and contentment, are different altogether. For the Christian, joy and contentment are founded on eternal truths! Truths of life and death, of Christ and our guarantee of eternal life through Him, where there will be 'no more death or mourning or crying or pain'. Happiness is altogether different from joy/contentment - people can be momentarily happy without contentment, and Christians can be unhappy, and undergoing frustration, or pain, or suffereing, while holding on to a deep-seated contentment that comes from eternal truth.

I'll just finish with a couple of excerpts from Philippians 4 that I hope will also speak to you in a new way, whether you have read them a hundred times, or never seen them at all:

'Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

'I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.'

(Philippians 4:4-7, 11-13)

Western Hospital & long case

2007-03-21T13:55:00.000+11:00

Yesterday we started a new block, ortho/rheum/plastics/anaesthetics at a new hospital, the Western Hospital in Footscray. Am adjusting to the new environment and starting to find my way around, not getting lost continually as I was on Monday. I'm also driving some days now (when I have early starts), so that's another change for me.

Yesterday I was really unmotivated and had some more thoughts about what else I could do besides med, etc... but today is a bit better. Most of the doctors and patients I have met here have been really nice, and people seem to be generally a bit less busy here than people at RMH. I guess I have good days and bad days, but I'm not sure what actually makes my mood go up and down.

Perhaps one reason I have to be more motivated today is that I have to do a 'long case' presentation this afternoon in front of fifty-odd students and a couple of doctors/lecturers - 10 minutes in which we give a summary of all the patient's problems, and then a case discussion ensues led by the lecturers. It's to practise for the exams, when we get 1 hour to spend with the patient to take a history and do an examination and then spend time presenting and discussing the case with two examiners. It's hard to get all the information you need in 1 hour - I've gone back to see the patient a couple of times to ask stuff I originally forgot to ask! Long cases can be interesting if the patient is interesting and cooperative; but frustrating and stressful if the patient is, say, rambly or grumpy... anyway, I'd better go organise my notes and write up my presentation after this blog.

Regarding the question of whether to continue with med, I guess there are several options, each with pros and cons, some of which have been suggested by other people. Perhaps I'll collate them all here:
1) Discontinue med and do something else after this semester.
- In 2 years time, when I would graduate from med, I would have half of another degree anyway (Rachel, friend from church)
- A career in medicine requires you to make a big sacrifice in terms of time spent with family and friends, which might not be worth it for a career you're not passionate about (Rachel; she would know, she's married to a doctor)
- A con is obviously 'wasting' the last four-and-a-half years I've put in towards a degree; tho Ivan tried to argue that it's not wasting if I don't want to do med, and rather it's wasting the next 2-3 years if I go on to the end of my internship and then change...
- I think it would be good to have a degree though... even if I do something else after

2) Finish the course, work for a couple of

-- oops, will finish later

Nervous breakdown?

2007-03-03T11:32:00.000+11:00

... well, maybe not quite that bad.

But I can't sleep at night (the worst part)
I'm unmotivated during the day
I get fed up with the hospital
I get grumpy very easily
And I don't even know the reason.

If things are still like this by the end of the year - might take a year off med
But then, I was happy last week - my mood goes up and down
And sometimes, I look forward to my end of year elective (which is still to be planned, but I have imaginings)
And if I don't do med...

... what can I do?

Med is driving me crazy (warning: grumblog)

2007-02-15T21:45:00.000+11:00

Med is driving me crazy.

I've always had a bit of a roller-coaster relationship with med, but in the last couple of weeks it's really been stressing me out. The hospital is such a stressful environment, with stressed patients, stressed and overworked doctors, and rude and grumpy nurses. There are some things I do enjoy, like understanding new concepts and seeing medically interesting things, but in the bustle of a day, those things can be few and far between. I also feel a lack of support - my group (of six students) isn't very cohesive, with people of different personalities mainly trying to do their own things rather than work together. I more often feel stressed rather than supported by them.

All this is stressing me out so much I haven't been sleeping properly, waking up at early hours and not being able to fall asleep at night. Which only worsens the tiredness and my bad feelings towards it all.

I just don't know if this is the kind of thing I want to be in for the rest of my life, especially the stressful environment. Maybe it's a matter of getting used to it again - I have had a two-month holiday and before that was in a country hospital for 6 weeks, with quite a different atmosphere - perhaps I just need to get used to life in the city hospital again. Part of me isn't sure though. I'm not really enjoying things, and even despite the interesting bits of medicine, feel that the creative parts of me, the parts that enjoy discovering new things, aren't really being challenged, but rather, suppressed. It feels that we are being taught nothing more than 'formulas' for patient care, basically being turned into machines to power the medical factories that they call hospitals. There is not really any space for innovation, for new ideas; everything is about 'tradition' or 'experience'.

These thoughts have been brewing for awhile, and it's kind of funny/strange what has brought them to the fore: the movie Miss Potter, which I saw last night on a Valentine's Day date with Dave. It really spoke to the creative side of me, and made me realise that so many things are possible, and that sometimes it's necessary to fight against what people expect of you, and seek after your own dreams. It made me yearn for a life away from the bustle and stress that I experience every day in a city hospital; a life of tranquillity, and stability, where I can be free to be creative, be myself, and be supported.

Horsham coming to an end

2006-11-23T12:36:00.000+11:00

Wow, I really haven't blogged for a long time. So much has been going on. I finished my ID/haem/onc block, and now this is the sixth and final week of my GIT/general surgery block, which I'm doing in a town called Horsham, 4 hours drive west of Melbourne.

It's been a good rotation. The hospital is called Wimmera Base Hospital, quite small, with 80 beds, 2 surgeons, 2 physicians, 4 registrars and 8 interns making up the permanent medical/surgical team. It's a nice hospital though, rather new, with large windows in each room and corridors looking out onto courtyards and gardens, giving the feeling of spaciousness and airiness, despite its small size. I've enjoyed living so close (30m from the back entrance), the friendliness of country people, as well as getting to know the medical staff and feeling part of the team. I really enjoy hanging out at the emergency department after hours, even if I'm not learning anything concrete; I like the variety of patients there, and watching decisions being made in real time. Much more paperwork and sitting around than ER, but interesting all the same.

It's probably true to say that although I didn't catch up on much book study this block, I have become more confident with talking to patients. I've done around 20 cannulas, 1 ABG, 1 DRE and a few stitches; I learnt how to scrub (though enduring much disdain from theatre nurses at my ineptness with putting sterile gloves on), and watched 1 inguinal and umbilical hernia repair, a couple of open and laparoscopic cholecystectomies, a laparotomy for bowel obstruction, a gastroscopy, and a colonoscopy.

It's good to think about what I've learnt and done, I think, because often we fall in the trap (well, me, anyway) of thinking, 'oh, I've spent all that time at xxx and haven't achieved anything!' At times, I've thought that about Horsham too. Simply because in medicine, there is always more to do. I'm never going to devote so much time to medicine that I have time to type up all the lecture notes and read and summarise every chapter in the textbook that is useful - like some people do - and good for them for doing that. So what I ideally intend to do will always be more than what I actually do. But I should realise that nevertheless, I am improving my skills and my understanding. I should try to recognise the things that do get done in the time I have, rather than the things that don't.

I'm looking forward to going back to Melbourne tomorrow. Dave's been up to visit a few times and I went back a few weekends, but it's been difficult at times to only see each other once a week - mostly, because it makes it so hard to say goodbye. I will miss Horsham though - six weeks is long enough to start to get attached to a place. I will miss the doctors that we've gotten to know and admire, and some of whom we may never see again; I will also miss bike-riding along the Wimmera river, enjoying the scenery and the flocks of waterbirds. I won't miss the accommodation, but I will miss the ease and convenience of living so close to the hospital.

When I'm an intern, perhaps I'll be able to come back to Horsham to work for 8 weeks (RMH interns get rotated here). In the meantime, though, I guess I'll look forward to getting home, sleeping in my own bed, seeing my family and Dave, and going back to St Jude's again. It has been a little isolating with no one else in my group a Christian, but God has been with me and teaching me things nevertheless. But this blog entry is long enough already, so you'll have to ask me for more about that.

Too busy to blog, but happier

2006-09-11T21:27:00.000+10:00

... and this isn't going to be a long one, either. I just sent an email, and the signature at the bottom with my blog address on it alerted me to the fact that my blog is currently full of grumpy entries, which actually don't accurately reflect my current situation. So I felt I should rectify this by posting something happier.

Having said that, I don't really have time to post anything much... things are busy. The Roman Satire subject I am doing for the Arts part of my degree is quite slack for most of the semester, save a couple of weeks in the middle and at the end. Well, here is the middle - I have to give a presentation on Wednesday, and I haven't even finished translating the lines I'm meant to be speaking on. I'll have to get onto that tonight, because I have orchestra tomorrow evening and will be back quite late and tired. Then, I have to write up my presentation into a 1200 word essay by next Wednesday. And after that, I'll have to do some catchup med!

I feel as if I'm always doing catchup med. The Neuro block finished a week ago, but I'm yet to look through most of the notes I took. Plagued by discontent with medicine, and frustration and fatigue from the long hours, I did hardly any study on weeknights and weekends, or at least, not nearly enough to keep up with what I felt I should have been doing. Our new block is ID/oncology/haematology/breast, and while the timetable is much less strenuous (which makes me a happier person!) there is still lots to learn, perhaps more (as neuro is one of my stronger areas). I guess medicine is always going to be like this! I have to accept that I'm not always going to be completely on top of things, and feel in control etc, like I did in years 11 and 12. But I guess that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I should also say that I'm a lot more content with medicine than I was a few weeks ago. I really had some dejected days, absolutely hating the hours, the people, and med itself, and began seriously to consider 'doing something else' if I wasn't happy with intern year. But that has been resolving. A medical careers info session made me more aware of the diversity of possibilities within medicine - so that if I didn't want to be a surgeon or a physician with long hours, there are always the options of ophthalmology (which is extremely challenging to get into), pathology and GP. This last option I had always been loathe to consider, being a person who likes to rise to challenges and believing that GP was somehow a 'soft option', done by the people who for some reason or other weren't good enough to become a specialist. But the presentation by the GP representative made me aware of the challenges of being a good GP! - for example, unlike specialists who have referral letters for each patient, GPs have no idea who (and what medical problem) is going to walk through their door next! They also have a sustained relationship with their patients, thus there is potential for a greater sense of satisfaction, a feeling that they have done something for someone's life at the end of the day, rather than a hospital doctor who is just always pushing patients out the door to make room for new ones. The final attraction (for me) is the flexibility - GPs can choose their own hours, work 4 days a week if they choose, which is very different from the 6-day-a-week, 12-hour days that surgeons and many physicians keep.

We had a surgeon a few weeks ago who didn't turn up to a tute he was supposed to give us, at 7:30am. Upon coming to his replacement tute the following week, half an hour late at 8am, he apologised profusely for his lateness and said how bad he felt, then added, 'The only people who have been more grumpy than the medical students are my family.' That sentence has stuck in my memory... because that sentence is something I hope I will never have to say.

So, I'm not saying I'm going to become a GP, but that option is now there for me, and I think it's something I can be content with. (Although my parents probably won't. ;-p) Specialities like ophthalmology, and medical specialties like neurology, infectious diseases and paediatrics I also find interesting. I'm just saying that the future of a medical career looks a little brighter now, for me, than it did at many times in the last month.

Oh dear!...

2006-08-01T16:20:00.000+10:00

Was sooo sleepy today. Started developing headache after lunch ('lunch' being more a time descriptor in this case than what I ate). So decided to skip ENT outpatients coz I was so groggy, and went to the library to sleep instead. Just got up after sleeping for 1.5 hours... quite scary all these consultants coming in to read journals, and me sleeping on the couch. I half thought one of them might have told me off. ;-p But they didn't. Thanks to the sleep think I might just get through Apollo rehearsal... going to get lots of sleep tonight. MUST get lots of sleep tonight.

Getting better...

2006-07-28T17:10:00.000+10:00

Today was a better day. Perhaps things are getting better. Despite a 7:30am start after only 7 hours of sleep, I seem to have gotten through the day fine. Probably thanks to coffee at lunchtime, I actually felt quite alert throughout the afternoon, as opposed to Wednesday afternoon when all I wanted to do was sleep and I went home and slept for four hours.

I felt slightly less out-of-place today. I think as a new medical student, the stress of being in a new environment, on the bottom of the ladder, where people think of you either as a nuisance, a fleck of dust on the wall or totally inept, can be quite overwhelming... even if one is not consciously aware that that is the cause. Today, however, we had quite an interesting tute in the morning, on the neuro exam, with quite a nice doctor (yes yes the pink shirt guy) who, although he knew heaps more than us, was quite encouraging, had good communication skills and when we didn't know stuff didn't grumble at us in an angry way (only in a mock exasperation kind of way). Then we were supposed to have an ophthal clinic but four of us wagged and went to the library instead... to use internet, chat (well debrief and talk about medical stuff, not entirely random chatting) and study a bit. That was followed by a bedside tute... not very remarkable... then lunch. After lunch Stef and I went off to look for patients in the ED, which ended up being a lot of fun! Much more fun than up in the neuro wards. For a start, the people there are a lot nicer and more helpful (the nurses, doctors, ward people etc). Also, as the patients have only been there for a little while, they are usually quite alert mentally, and haven't had to repeat their history ten times yet, so they're pretty happy to talk to students. We talked to a couple of them... but couldn't examine much as we didn't have any instruments with us. But it was quite interesting. I tried to chase up their CT scans from radiology... now THAT was really difficult. The first time we went the reg was out on her lunch break... the second time, she was in doing a CT, the third time she was finally there, but when I found the file of the stroke patient, there was no CT there!!!! Only a carotid Doppler ultrasound...

Anyway, off to Apollo meeting. Hopefully, will get more used to hospital setting as time goes by!

Clinicals, day 3

2006-07-26T10:40:00.000+10:00

Clinicals have started. Orientation week last week, into rotations proper this week.

Clinicals... are... tiring. 7:30 am start today, again on Friday... on good days, we start at 9am. But mostly 7:30. IT SUCKS. Some say it's just this block (neuro), so hopefully it'll improve in a few months, but I'm sure that 7:30am starts will come back for some stages of internship, etc. Really don't know if I'm cut out for this sort of lifestyle... early start, tired all day, go home in the evening, feel like doing nothing much except sleeping... try to do some things but everything you do takes extra long b/c tiredness and lethargy, so don't actually get to sleep that early... repeat cycle.

Med is taking over my life. I even think about med in my sleep. Usually in weird distorted ways like the way dreams are, which is even more disturbing.

Add onto that a boring arts subject... :-(

Add onto that the various other responsibilities of life...

:-(

(off to have a nap on the clinical school couch before the next tute in an hour... the others have gone upstairs to do a neuro examination, but I don't have the energy...)

Home as usual

2006-07-03T22:59:00.000+10:00

Thanks to Barry for nagging me to post.

I've been home for a month now. Not much to say, except that I've been settling back into life at home, catching up with some friends, helping at my parents' newsagency (for non-Australians: a newsagency is a shop that sells newspapers, LOTS of magazines, greeting cards, stationery, phonecards, etc), hanging out at home, and spending time with Dave on his afternoons, and days, off. I alternate between feeling like I have nothing to do, and feeling stressed due to parents/party planning/anticipated busy-ness. This week, Dave and I are hosting Stew and David in Melbourne (they're staying with Dave, but I guess I am the actual 'host'). It's great having them here (Stew is already here and David is arriving on Thursday), but just a lot more to think about in terms of making everybody happy, which is what I am always attempting to do and usually the main culprit in stressing me out, generally.

I spend so much time these days thinking, as well. When I was overseas, I hardly spent much time at all reflecting on things, I was always doing something, be it grocery shopping, or cooking, or (usually) on my computer. I remember thinking a few months ago how strange it was that I was never thinking or reflecting anymore, as I was accustomed to do in Melbourne, in bed, or on the train to the city. Well, I am back to doing that. I don't know if it's a good thing. Especially in the mornings, when I spend like an hour in bed thinking about random stuff before I actually get up. I don't know - you might call that laziness... wanting to relax and enjoy the warmth of the bed rather than get up into the cold and expend energy. It's almost like a form of hibernating - including the 1 extra hour in bed in the morning, I am spending 10 hours in bed each day. It is winter, but hmm... I know it's not good to be lazy!

Some days I feel a bit lost though... purposeless. Because there is nothing urgent that needs to be done - I can do a little bit of this, read a bit of that, play a bit of music, help my sister for a bit, and in the end of the day feel like I've done nothing much in particular. Then I feel guilty sometimes, thinking about my parents working hard at the newsagency. No doubt, that's what they want me to feel. But still, I am 'project-less', or at least, 'meaningful project-less'. I feel a bit like the writer of Ecclesiastes...

Back home

2006-06-06T00:54:00.000+10:00

Short blog, coz going out for lunch with a friend (maths friend Peter, who's leaving Melb tomorrow and going to MIT in September).

Arrived safe and well in Melbourne on Friday. Caught plane from NYC with Stew. Huge fog in NYC, so plane was 2.5 hours delayed, which meant I missed my LA-Melb connection (along with heaps of other people, coz it was Qantas), which meant that we all had to go to Sydney first and connect to Melbourne on a domestic flight. We didn't miss the Sydney connection, because it was the same plane as the NYC-LA flight.

[Dialogue:]
Silly Sally: "Oh no, if I'm going to Sydney, what about my bags? They're going to go straight to Melbourne!"
Sensible Stew: "Sally, your bags are on this plane..."

God, also, had a sense of humour. Because even though I was going to be massively delayed in Melbourne, flying to Sydney first meant that I would have a friend on this fourteen hour, trans-Pacific flight... I wouldn't have to be squashed in my seat next to complete strangers for the long journey. What made it funnier is that on the NY-LA flight, I had actually jokingly suggested, 'hey Stew, you know what would be really funny? If this flight was so delayed that I missed my connection, and the connection didn't wait, maybe I'd have to fly on this plane to Sydney!' I was actually joking, as I thought that since it was a Qantas connection, it would wait. But what I said actually came true. And yes, I was grateful in the end. I am still mildly amused at the fact that I ended up having a companion on both my long flights across the Pacific, given that, yes, before my exchange I was actually dreading the prospect of two long flights alone. God is good. :-)

I am also grateful to Stew for being a true friend and giving up his Business Class upgrades to sit next to me in Economy Class on both flights. His dad works for Qantas, so he is entitled to upgrades subject to availability of seats. On the first flight they stopped him at the gate (his requested Economy boarding pass didn't work) and tried to make him upgrade to Business Class... and in LA airport before boarding the second flight they called out his name over the loudspeaker for the same reason... lol. Poor Stew. ;-p I am grateful.

continued 16 June:

Upon arriving in Sydney airport, more sagas ensued. They had forgotten to put out the bags of the people who were continuing to Melbourne; a half-hour wait for them, and a customs officer who was determined to examine my violin, meant that I missed my connecting flight to Melbourne, and had to get on the one an hour later - which turned out to be 1:15 hours delayed because of strong winds at Sydney Airport. So, I arrived finally at Melbourne Airport at 2pm, instead of 8am as originally planned. But here's the additional twist - the delay meant that Dave was able to meet me at the airport! He had to work in the morning, so couldn't make it at 8am, but due to an SMS I sent him from Sydney airport telling him about the delay, he decided to surprise me at the airport, spontaneously deciding to go there straight after work. It was cool. Dave is not normally a spontaneous person, so I like it a lot when he does spontaneous things. :-p

As with many things in life it was little things that made me realise I was back in Australia. The first, and most prominent thing, was walking out of customs into the front area of Sydney airport, and seeing the row of gum trees outside. The next night, at a friend's 21st party, it was the abundance of Australian accents. Over the next few days, walking through the city, I noticed people walking in a much more relaxed pace than in crazy NYC (where you get run over by the river of people if you DARE to stop in the middle of the sidewalk!). Driving (in Dave's car of course, I don't like driving) through the city, I also found myself noticing more and more things I wouldn't have 'seen' before going overseas - be it interesting restaurants, shops, architectural features... Perhaps that is one facet of what people mean when they talk about going overseas as an 'eye-opening' experience.

Leaving tomorrow...

2006-05-31T13:16:00.000+10:00

Can't believe everything's almost over.

That sounded rather melodramatic, didn't it? lol. But it's true, I can't believe six months has gone by so quickly, and I'm going to be home in less than 48 hours (provided the journey goes smoothly, God willing!). 48 hours... 48 hours ago, I was still at Harvard. I'm going to miss my time there visiting Stew. It was fun... it reminded me of mathscamp, the days when life was simple and innocent and logical. Haha, that was a joke, did anyone get it?

David, if you're reading this, perhaps we can do our elective in Boston and then we can have a reunion with Peter and Stew!! (Though I hear it's hard to get elective positions in the US these days, due to litigation issues?... so yes, send off your application to Oxford. ;-p)

Sigh... I could say so much about the last six months but I don't know where to begin. It'll be good for life to get back to 'normal'. But on the other hand, part of me almost doesn't want it to, because once it gets back to 'normal', it is as if I'll never again be able to get the 'anormality' of the last six months back. If that makes any sense. It's like this part of my life will be closed... forever. It's a bit scary.

At Harvard ;-p

2006-05-26T22:42:00.000+10:00

I'm at Harvard at the moment - visiting an old friend/IMO-buddy Stewart. Stew was a bit of a child-prodigy-maths-genius who finished high school maths in primary school and uni maths in high school and has now just finished the first year of a five-year PhD at Harvard even though it's only his fourth year at university!

So yes, Stew is a very smart guy. But the thing with him and all the other truly brilliant maths people I have met over the years through the Maths Olympiad program is that they are totally unassuming about their smartness. Many smart people I know tend to be self-conscious about their smartness, or about the degree they are doing, or whatever. But self-consciousness, in a way, is just another kind of pride. It is being focused on what other people are thinking about you, and your particular attribute of superiority. True geniuses are at peace with their smartness and with who they are. They don't mind being laughed at, being told they're wrong, laughing at you, or telling you bits and pieces of things you didn't know about. So, they're easy to get along with and fun to hang around.

Harvard is a really great place as well. As I've been telling quite a few people on MSN, it has a really great vibe about it... something I can't quite put my finger on. Stew jokingly suggested 'maybe it's your wonderful host!' and, well, I'm sure that's part of it, but I think there's something more as well. When I was at Cambridge (in England, and not Cambridge MA, which is where I am now!) I was awed by the monumental and elaborate buildings and the venerable tradition that seemed to permeate the air; but the oldness and formality of everything seemed almost overbearing. Now, I was only there for a few hours in the afternoon, one hour of which was spent sitting in an extremely formal Anglican choral service at the King's College chapel, so perhaps that has somehow biased my evaluation; and I'm not at all saying Cambridge wouldn't be a fantastic place to go and study (I would jump at the chance if I ever got one), but just that the vibe was different. Harvard is also several hundred years old (founded in the seventeenth century), but its vibe seems more open, friendlier, perhaps more creative and innovative. I've been thinking and analysing why I've been getting this vibe since I got here, and some concrete things I've come up with include the fact that there is a lot of greenery around - trees and grass are everywhere and there is a lawn in front of every building - this perhaps gives the impression of there being a lot of open space. Also, the students seem friendlier, more cheerful and more relaxed than in other places - this could be because of the open space, or, I guess, because of the good weather we have been having in the last couple of days. I am told that it rained all of last week; but so far, it was sooo sunny and gorgeous yesterday and today it rained but it was very welcome rain, as it has been quite hot, especially at night with the window closed. Last night we tried leaving the window open but around 5am a mosquito flew in and buzzed around my head, so that wasn't pleasant. I am extremely sensitive to the sound of a flying mosquito around my ears - it never fails to wake me up.

So yeah - you can probably tell I'm quite enjoying it here at the moment! No doubt, in the long term I'll get sick of sleeping on the floor and Stew will get sick of me invading his space; but it's been a lot of fun so far walking around Harvard, admiring the buildings and soaking up the vibe; 'helping' Stew use up his credits at the cafeteria which finished today, going to the Harvard Museum of Natural History (free for Harvard students and a 'guest', hehee!), and going through Raymond Smullyan books. I have always loved his books, but being a bit short on patience sometimes don't usually go through all the puzzles because they start getting either repetitive or difficult. But I've found it's a lot more fun doing them together with someone else (even better, someone else who thinks through them at approximately the same speed I do) and talking them through!

Right now, we're stuck on a really hard one. This is how it goes:
(Background which has been given in the 9 puzzles leading up to it: there's a lunatic asylum whose inhabitants comprise patients and doctors. Each inhabitant is either sane or insane. The sane ones are 100% accurate in all their beliefs, i.e. they believe all true things to be true and false things to be false. The insane ones are the opposite, believing all false things to be true and all true things to be false. Also, assume all inhabitants are honest - what they said, they really believed.

D'oh! Stew just came home and found a bizarrely easy way to solve the question which couldn't have been the author's intention... darn, so I can no longer give you that question. But since I've spent all that effort explaining the situation in the asylum, I'll give you some other (simpler) ones:

1. In the first asylum Inspector Craig visited, he spoke separately to two inhabitants whose last names were Jones and Smith.
He asked Jones, 'What do you know about Mr. Smith?'
'You should call him Doctor Smith,' replied Jones. 'He is a doctor on our staff.'
Sometime later, Craig met Smith and asked, 'What do you know about Jones? Is he a patient or a doctor?'
'He is a patient,' replied Smith.
The inspector mulled over the situation for awhile and then realised that there was something wrong with this asylum: either one of the doctors was insane, hence shouldn't be working there, or one of the patients was sane and shouldn't be there a all. How did Craig know this?

2. In the next asylum Craig visited, one of the inhabitants made a statement from which the inspector could deduce that the speaker must be a sane patient, hence did not belong there. Can you supply such a statement?

4. In the next asylum, Craig asked one of the inhabitants, 'Are you a patient?' He replied, 'Yes.' Is there anything necessarily wrong with this asylum?

5. In the next asylum, Craig asked one of the inhabitants, 'Are you a patient?' He replied, 'I believe so.' Is there anything necessarily wrong with this asylum?

(from Smullyan, The Lady or the Tiger?, Ch. 3)

Post your reasonings and answers! Prizes for those who solve them first! (well, not really, actually...)

Travelling

2006-05-24T02:03:00.000+10:00

In high school days, I used to talk about 'favourite subjects' with friends. By the end of high school, I began to realise that it wasn't the subject matter that determined which subjects I liked and which I didn't. Rather, it was the teachers, the class and the relationships I had with them that determined which subjects I liked and which I didn't.

I'm thinking now that travelling is, in a way, quite similar. After having done so much travelling and touristing in the last six months, cities and museum and art galleries and cathedrals all start to look a bit the same. I'm realising that it's the people and my experiences with them that have influenced how I've felt about each city... it is the people who have defined my travelling experiences.

I suppose that shouldn't be too surprising, given that relationships with people are, in a big way, what life is about. Although, it still seems a novel notion.

What I've been doing in Lyon so far

2006-05-17T19:05:00.000+10:00

Thought I'd make a lil list, so I don't forget:

Last Wed - arrival around noon... lunch, nap, dinner, agape meeting that ended really late
Thurs - Crepe, Musee des Beaux Arts, dinner with Andrew, Haagen-Dasz, demi-peche, Emmano, salsa dancing
Fri - lazy day, friends of Bec (Shannon, Chereth and her friend from Ireland Ruth) came over for a late breakfast (10-1:30), I was really tired (may have been jet lag still) and napped in the afternoon... Bec's French friend came over for lunch while I was sleeping... lol. In evening Bec went to dinner at someone's, I decided to stay back and plan for the next few days
Sat - tourist office, bought walking tour book, did guided tour of Old Lyon and its Traboules in the afternoon. Rained. At night went to a gospel concert at Bec's church - One More Voice from Grenoble. They were awesomely good. Met Celia, Bec's friend from church. Rode home from church on velo-v.
Sun - church service. About living as salt and light. Saw Celia again. First return trip with bike (half an hour each way, phew!) Picnic at Tete D'or. Rode bike there too. Paddle-boating on lake. Dinner at Amphitryon with Bec, Shannon, Chereth, Ruth and Etienne. Big 15 euro 3-course Lyonnais meal! Followed by evening at Aurelia's, a friend of Andrew and Bec. Andrew played a bit of guitar for us and we talked a bit to the French people there - in French, of course!
Mon - Lunch with Bec's friends at uni cafeteria (Lyon III). Used crappy internet in exchange office for a bit. Came back, talked to Dave on the phone, and after dinner went for drinks with Anna and her NZ friend studying at the Royal Academy of Music in London. After that, went to a tea lounge for strange brews of tea. Was sooo tired by the time we left.
Tues - Annecy! A gorgeous lakeside town, closer to Geneva than to Lyon (but only 2 hours from Lyon by bus/train) You could see the Alps on the other side of the lake! They also have a lovely old town centre with two canals flowing through it. After getting back to Lyon, went for dinner with a bunch of exchange students, turned out to be the same place as the other night (Amphitryon) - eating out is yummy but expensive!
Wed - A morning of dilly-dallying waiting for my clothes to dry... coz I only brought 3 tops to Lyon... ended up giving up and borrowing Bec's black singlet top, it was SUCH a hot day so I wore it tho i never wear singlet tops at home. Though being a typical Melburnian I brought my half-soggy T-shirt along in my bag too, just in case the weather changed. Ended up leaving Bec's at 2-something. Bec wanted to study, so I rang up Andrew and organised to meet up with him later. Went up to Fourviere, the cathedral on the hill dedicated to the Virgin Mary (basically worshipping her) and had a look around. Andrew came and joined me for this funky tour behind the scenes of the cathedral, taking us behind the columns at the top and outside practically onto the roofs... there was an AWESOME view of Lyon... have to post the photos sometime but it's difficult coz my own computer doesn't have internet. But yah, Lyon isn't very big so you could see everything so clearly... landmarked by the two rivers... gorgeous. Walked down the hill through the gardens, everything was lovely and green tho hardly any flowers yet. Europe's trees and bushes and hedges are so green compared to Australia's! Then, didn't have any plans for the evening so got dragged along to grocery shopping with Andrew (in Carrefour, this HUGE supermarket) - thought it was for dinner ingredients but instead turned out to be his weekly grocery shopping! Then I helped him to carry it to his place (which is actually rather close to Bec's) and he cooked crepes with ham and cheese and tomato and mushroom which was rather scrumptious. Had an interesting discussion re relationships and meaning-of-life and Christianity...
Today (Thurs) - cooked crepes at Bec's... was going to go out to explore Croix-Rousse but it started RAINING! So right now sitting at home on my last day in Lyon waiting for the rain to stop... kind of sleepy too coz it was horribly hot last night... kept sleeping and waking up and sleeping... just awful. Hence the storm today, I suppose.

Leaving for Grenoble airport from Lyon at 9:30 tomorrow morning. Won't get to see Grenoble, but going to Cambridge in the afternoon before heading to London in the evening.

It really doesn't feel like I've spent much time in France... probably due to hanging around with English-speakers most of the time, lol! It is a beautiful city though, Lyon... 2nd largest in France but only half a million people... just a little town (though some claim it is up to 3 million with all the burbs and boroughs around it). The French seem to have a much more relaxed lifestyle too... sitting out on the footpath for drinks... bicycling around... enjoying the park... enjoying baguette and cheese and sausage... someone said to me, Europeans care more about how they live... in terms of eating and drinking, the environment, how the city looks etc etc... and I can certainly see truth in that. Old buildings and wide spaces are well preserved in Lyon... lots of public squares, creating a sense of freedom and spaciousness. Nothing like Melbourne's apartment complexes, one after another... or New York's tall buildings taking up the whole sky...

Touristing

2006-05-14T02:33:00.000+10:00

Today I went touristing - walked to the tourist office (20min), bought a lil book called World Heritage Excursions which is basically a collection of walking tours of Lyon. Spent about 15min trying to decide whether to buy it in English or French, finally decided on English coz easier to understand and skim and the possibility of using it in the future with Dave. I also signed up for a guided tour of Old Lyon. But that wasn't departing for two hours so I wandered around a bit, found a money-exchange place, rates were WAYYY expensive (there's almost 20% difference between the buy rate and the sell rate, meaning they take like a 10% cut), so I gave up and withdrew some euros from the ATM instead from my CBA account. Wandered into a HUGE book/music shop (like Borders) called fnac, where I bought this lil abridged version of book 1 of Les Mis for 3 euro... then went back to tourist office, joined the tour (decided to be ambitious to make up for previous cowardice-with-book-selection and chose the French language tour) and we set off, across the Saone, for Vieux Lyon.

Old Lyon is really old. It was founded in 40-something AD, so it's almost 2000 years old... and it's been an urban centre all that time, thus, one of the longest continuous urban centres of the world. The Roman settlement of Lugdunum (Asterix, anyone?) began on the hill now called Fourviere, which is a corrupted version of Fort Vieux, or Old Fort. Lots of the houses (rather, apartments) in Old Lyon date back to before 1000 AD, which is pretty cool... although, things look a bit dirty and rundown. Much of our tour consisted of going through these little old passages called Traboules

to be continued...

Cheat photos of Lyon

2006-05-13T08:34:00.000+10:00

Here's a site with some cool photos of Lyon!

http://www.lyon.fr/vdl/cartepostale/index_html?view_zoom=1

Adventures in Lyon

2006-05-13T05:15:00.000+10:00

Actually, haven't had that many adventures yet...

Arrived Tuesday midday, took bus from airport to Perrache station where Bec picked me up and we walked to her place, an apartment on the Rive Gauche. Had a lazy-ish afternoon sleeping (recovering from jetlag - 6 hours difference from North America), grocery shopping and in the evening went to a meeting of Bec's biblestudy... lady (family and marriage counsellor) there talking about relationships... in particular the issue of choice. Didn't find it particularly Biblically oriented, but suppose there were some useful practical things... not really for me as I think I have already chosen tho! Sparked off some interesting discussions afterwards and this morning about whether Christians should go out with non-Christians... my position having been 'no' ever since the day in February 2004 when Ka-Shu said to me on MSN (rhetorically) 'would you really want to share your life with someone who doesn't know God?' One of Bec's friends is getting married in July (actually, I met her at a predeparture exchange info session at the end of last year too) in Norway to a Norwegian guy she'd met while he was on exchange in Melb. She's a Christian (tho her family is not), but he's not... but according to what Bec says, she really loves him and wants to be with him... hmm, tough situation? One that I would hope never to be in, coz it would be so difficult...

But yes, Lyon... well from what I've seen so far it's a pretty little European city... not very busy, with pretty houses and buildings around two rivers, the Rhone and the Saone. People ride bicycles a lot, they have this cool system of bicycle-lending stations all around town where you can stick your credit card in and borrow a bike for free for 30min at a time.

Unfortunately, Bec's credit card didn't work. We're going to try and borrow one from her friend, maybe. I haven't blogged about my terrible attempt at bike-riding last Monday in Montreal after not having ridden a bike for 8 years... but hmm, I don't like giving up on things, so I'm enthusiastic at giving it another go. Lyon is also not very big, so bikes would come in quite handy getting to places like the centre-ville which is half an hour's walk away on the other side of the Rhone, rather than spending 1.5 euros taking a short metro trip.

So on Wednesday, after brunch (I’d gotten up at 11:30am coz of having gone to bed at 1:30 and having lots of sleep from previous days to catch up on) Bec and I walked to the main centre of the city, Place des Terreaux. to meet up with two of her other Aussie friends to go to the Musee des Beaux Arts. There was a funky sculpture/fountain in the square that was designed by the same guy who designed the Statue of Liberty.

After some delicious crepes on the street, we went to see the Gericault exhibition that was currently on at the Gallery – it was pretty cool, I especially liked the portraits of children that he painted, children who had faces that were anything but innocent, that resembled those of adults habituated to the cruel world. Even though it was a special exhibition, it was free for students, which is pretty cool, and perhaps linked to the fact that Lyon is quite a university town. After that Sumika (who I later discovered was a friend of Ting’s from her school – small world eh) and I went up the hill to the Musee de la Civilisation Gallo-Romaine, which contained a bunch of excavated pot fragments, sarcophagi, four wheels of a chariot, and stone tablets from the ancient Roman settlement of Lugdunum. There were also some cool Roman ruins there, including an amphitheatre in which two Christian martyrs were killed in the second century AD.

In the evening Andrew Yong came over for dinner – he cooked some salmon (yummy) but Bec had to desert us coz she had something else to go to. Andrew and I caught up a bit over salmon, rice and some sweet French wine in Bec’s apartment. He has just finished his last semester of econ/law, decided he doesn’t like them and wants to go back and do applied maths. In a way he is much as I remember him – still wears blue shirts, still same hairstyle – but even though he claims not to like law, I nonetheless detect the influence of the years of law school… I don’t know if that’s entirely accurate or fair but it’s one way to look at it. He reminds me, in a way, of both Sunny and Lit-Hau – perhaps a cross between the two. Cheerful, intelligent… but there is a sense of there being a kind of façade… not a complete façade… but at least a partial one, as though what was said and what was thought didn’t exactly correspond… I don’t know if this was intentional – to create a sense of mystery? – or just the way people talk these days, law and commerce people, lol… I really shouldn’t stereotype that badly, should I? But anyway, it made him seem a bit contradictory… like for example, he claims not to be interested in economics and law and wants to study maths, saying that problem solving is more interesting and stimulating… declaring that people like ‘D Chan’ who are studying med is a waste of their brain…
but then, he also avows his passion for business and the importance of having money… he co-runs a business that is developing a software for banks to reduce their costs in providing cash to customers (which costs the CBA 70 million a year or something like that), something that he has been really stressed about, according to Bec, for the last 2 months. While he doesn’t enjoy the work itself, he says he enjoys the fact that it makes him feel useful, that he is ‘adding value’ to society. So yeah… quite an enigmatic guy. Bec finds him just as enigmatic as I do.

But anyway, I didn’t find all that out just over dinner. After dinner we ended up taking a tram to the Place de Terreaux again, where we bumped into a friend of Andrew’s, from Gabon. Because the salsa club they wanted to go to didn’t open until 10:30, we had to wander around for about half an hour… during which I concluded my first day in France sitting in the square with an ice-cream at the Haagen-Daaz shop, followed by a demi-peche, which was this wonderful beer with peach syrup, the kind that doesn’t exist in anglo-saxon countries (Australia, GB, Canada), where the men are apparently all too macho to drink that stuff. Apparently, French men are more feminine than men in Anglo-Saxon countries… lol, not that I care about that, but I liked the drink. ;-p Oh, and I went salsa-dancing with them for a little bit too. I wasn’t going to, but I thought, well, I’m in France after all, perhaps I should be a bit adventurous. It actually wasn’t too bad… Andrew gave up on me after awhile, and then I danced with his African friend (who I had had an entirely French conversation with over demi-peche) who was really nice and cheerful. It was pretty fun. I’m sure I was pretty bad but making a fool of yourself isn’t quite as bad, I suppose, in front of people who don’t know who you are and probably won’t really see you again.

---------------

Today we had breakfast at Bec's apartment with people she invited over - two Irish girls and a New Zealander. I was soooo tired, and couldn't stop yawning. Jet lag still, I wonder? I had a nap when they left at 1:30 until about 3... Bec went out again to a friend's place for dinner, and I decided not to go and have a quiet evening in, sorting my photos and posting this blog. Am missing Dave, and hoping he calls soon. Perhaps I'll go give him a call after this. My shoulder's getting kind of tired from being on the computer for 2.5 hours. I considered going to a salsa dancing lesson tonight at 8, but am in a slow kind of mood, and Andrew didn't get back to Bec about the time of the beginner class, so I just decided to stay here. It's pretty bad, I've not been in much of an out-and-about mood so far in Lyon! Always lounging about, wanting naps, etc etc... hmm I'll try to do something tomorrow. Bec could be right, it could be that meeting lots of people (i.e. all Bec's friends) is kind of exhausting! But yeah... my stomach isn't doing that great either... it's probably not used to the huge quantities of baguette and cheese it's been eating... hopefully better tomorrow.

!!!

2006-05-11T21:04:00.000+10:00

Oh my goodness - I cannot believe this. Andrew Yong is in Lyon... what are the chances that someone you have not seen or talked to in 7.5 years turns up in a foreign country at the same time as you and turns up in your friend's photographs?!?...

Returning...

2006-05-08T13:18:00.000+10:00

North Brunswick, New Jersey (at Uncle's)

After a whole day of journeying, I have finally arrived at my uncle and aunt's place in New Jersey, where I had been five months ago. Things seem to be going full circle... except this time, I don't have Dave with me, and instead of looking forward to my exchange, it is only the memories of the last four months that remain. Memories still fresh, from the past six happy days spent at the Wongs', which militate to resist the sinking in of the knowledge that I have left Montreal... and may not be returning for a long time. But whilst that knowledge is not yet quite real to me, there is a kind of feeling of loneliness that is real... feeling like I have left a part of life behind, and a part of my family... for the Wongs have been just like a real family to me in my last week in Montreal. I think the feeling of loss is exacerbated by the fact that the last time I was at Uncle's house, here, sitting at the kitchen table, Dave was here with me. That he is not, this time, somehow heightens my feeling of loneliness... I guess it brings back to the fore how I felt on the day he left Montreal, when I got back to the apartment and the kitchen was all empty, for the first time...

It's funny, I only started feeling like this now, after I arrived at the house... I guess it's all those memories of being here with Dave in December. The trip itself was actually quite nice. Quite nice, that is, after the struggles with my luggage. I had a crazy amount of luggage: a backpack, a violin, a laptop bag crammed with a laptop and books, and two rather large suitcases. I mean, an impossible amount of luggage for me to carry. But there was nothing I could do about it. I still remember grinning to myself this morning wryly and thinking, 'okay, God will have to do the impossible'. And at the beginning, it was really hard. I got off at Bonaventure metro relatively painlessly, but then the pain began. I was carrying my violin and backpack on my back, the laptop-and-books bag on top of my big suitcase that had a decent handle, and then trying to drag the other suitcase along which was a nightmare because it had no decent handle, only a piece of string to pull which was abrading my fingers, and wheels which didn't run in a straight line. In the end, I resorted to kicking the suitcase along, stopping every few metres to move it back into the right direction, and to reposition my laptop bag which would threaten to fall off on one side. The trip to Gare Central from Bonaventure, which was an underground passage of less than five minutes, turned into twenty minutes for me. Finally, a lady who was walking the same direction helped me carry that horrible brown suitcase to the station, which probably saved me another 15 minutes of excruciation.

But things got easier at the station. I left my stuff to be watched over by some porters, who did so grudgingly, while I bought my ticket. Then, I asked the porters, with what must have been a desperate look on my face, to help me out. The only problem was, there was a HUGE line for the train, of people with their bags. So what was the porter to do? Carry my bags to the line? That wouldn't help because I would have had to travel the 30m of line by myself, as well as descend the big flight of stairs leading down to the platform. So, I think he started telling me to pay him $5 and go and line up, and he would take my bags down to the last carriage, where I would be able to find them. But then he changed his mind and told me to follow him... and he took my suitcases and led me all the way past the head of the line, down the stairs and into the train – before anyone else had boarded! So not only did I get help with putting my luggage into the train, I ended up having two seats to myself for most of the journey (which may not have happened had I gotten onto the train after fifty other people) which meant that I could sort of lie down and get some sleep too. I thought two things regarding this episode: 1) Glory to God who turns weaknesses into blessings! 2) Jesus saying ‘the last will be first, and the first will be last.’

The trip itself was nice, too. The Adirondacks rail route that joins New York and Montreal is a really scenic one, as I discovered! It goes past lots and lots of lakes, big blue sparkling pools of water that could almost be confused for the ocean had I not known that that wasn't possible. We also went through farmland where you could see rolling hills far into the distance... and places with woody trees in light green foliage... there was this magnificent sight about an hour before New York, where there was a big green mountain on the other side of the water (which wasn't very wide by this stage, I'm not sure if it was a river or lake)... green mountain, because all you could see was the light green foliage of the trees, so dense that it made the mountain just look like a green lump, with bulges and bumps not unlike those found on a broccoli or cauliflower. So I slept for a little, ate food, listened to music, read some French Snoopy, slept a little more, tried to read Stott's 'Cross of Christ', found it too hard to take in with the academic material, bumpiness of train and smallness of font, and read a bit of the awesome lil London guidebook I'd bought in Montreal. There is going to be so much to see in London. Westminster, Buckingham Palace, St Paul's Cathedral, British Museum, Hyde Park, Victoria & Albert Museum, Tower of London, Globe Theatre, Royal Albert Hall, St-Martin-in-the-Fields, etc, etc... so many things. I am now wondering whether to go to Cambridge on Friday afternoon as planned, as it's not too far from Stansted airport where I am arriving (then spending Saturday, Sunday and half of Monday sightseeing in London before leaving), or to spend all that time in London...

I guess that's what I should do as remedy for loneliness... try to think about traveling in Europe and things to look forward to there. But then, I am reminded of the trans-Atlantic flight I have to catch first... not to mention packing tomorrow... AGAIN... because I'm only going to take one suitcase, and will need to reorganize all my stuff. Yes, I just spent yesterday packing, today on the train, and will spend tomorrow packing and Tuesday on the plane. This is what I don't like so much about traveling... :-(

Film: Un dimanche à Kigali

2006-04-26T09:27:00.000+10:00

Je viens de voir un film, Un Dimanche à Kigali, un film québécois qu'on a vu avec les sous-titres anglais. Mais à mon joie je pouvais comprendre la plupart du français qui était parlé... c'était le français... et pas le québécois. ;-p

Mais c'est un film très frappant. Il s'agit de l'amour entre un homme blanc et une fille noire, mais c'est plus de ça aussi. Le film se met en scène en Afrique, en Rwanda spécifiquement, pendant les mois avant et après la génocide de 1994, dans laquelle des Hutus ont assassiné milliers, peut-être millions, des Rwandais Tutsis. Mais c'est l'amour entre Bernard et Gentille qui permet de comprendre un peu comment c'était de vivre pendant ce temps-là... où la haine est beaucoup plus ravageuse que le SIDA, où chaque jour on découvrait ses amis, morts et couverts de sang, massacré dans leur maison, où on ne craignait pas le mort mais d'autre choses qui se passeraient avant qu'on tue. Il y avait des scènes très très choquantes de voir... celles que je ne pouvais pas supporter de les voir, en couvrant le visage par les mains...
Oui, c'est un film frappant, émouvant, et aussi qui suscite la frustration et la colère qu'une chose tellement tragique était permise de s'arriver. On voit la cruauté de l'homme, et son impuissance face à l'injustice du monde.

Of Vines and Bagels

2006-04-24T04:36:00.000+10:00

This morning, went to hear Barry preach at the Chinese Presbyterian Church in Outremont (Hutchison and St. Viateur). It's the church Esther normally goes to, but this weekend she is away in Toronto; it's the church Josh and I, at the invitation of Esther, went to hear Glen Soderholm perform (I now have one of his CDs). It's not a big church, but the people are very friendly.

Barry is such an excellent preacher. I have seen some preachers preach good messages, but in so doing almost seeming to show off, e.g. by giving Greek and Hebrew translations of half a dozen words, by telling stories that involve themselves as the hero triumphing against a non-Christian whose ideas and thoughts seem ridiculous, etc. It sometimes bothers me when that happens - it makes me feel sorry for any non-Christians that might be sitting in the audience and might feel alienated as a result. I'm sure the pastor who I'm thinking of isn't meaning to drive anyone away, but I do wish he would sometimes consider how the audience might be reacting.

But anyway, I'm digressing, I was supposed to be talking about Barry. Well, something I really appreciate with his preaching is just how humble he is as a speaker. That doesn't mean he never raises his voice, that he doesn't exhibit authority, or confidence, or doesn't know what he's talking about (he does all of those things); it doesn't mean that he talks down himself and says negative things. It just means he speaks really honestly, even of tough experiences in his life and his own spiritual troubles, without pretentiousness, and with the confidence of a man who understands from where confidence should come. Through talking about his own weaknesses, through struggling with a cough on the podium, he communicates the messages with confidence and humility into the hearts of the audience. Praise God for Barry! (;-p Barry, if you are reading this, I hope you don't get a big head - but it really has been a blessing to share in your many words of wisdom during the last 3 months.)

The message was about John 15, the vine and the branches. I don't want to repeat the whole thing here. Suffice it to say that the passage is a great reminder that the most important thing of all in our walk with God is our relationship with him. It is a relationship like that of branches to a vine - a branch away from the vine, even if it looks healthy and green, is actually dead. And as well as deriving sustenance from the vine, the branch is also one with the vine, in, really, an inseparable, permanent relationship. What God wants is not really obedience of his commands, but a relationship. Barry mentioned that the vows people say at weddings could also be used to describe our relationship with God. Are we committed to God for our whole life? For richer or for poorer? In sickness or in health? Committed to sharing all our ups and downs in life with him? To making all our decisions and plans with him in mind? The answer to those questions tells us what sort of a relationship we have with God.

After church we went for a drive in the rain to the two premier bagel stores in Montreal: St. Viateur and Fairmount Bagels. Too bad I forgot to take a picture, so I'll have to go again... but they have this huge long oven that is right behind the counter and they have this huge long thin plank of wood on which sits a row of cooking bagels... when the bagels are done, the guys grabs the end of the plank and goes SWOOSH, throwing all the bagels on the plank into a big bin. It was pretty cool. I sampled one of what each shop was cooking at the time: a plain one, for only 50c at St Viateur, and a sesame seed one for 60c at Fairmount. Fairmount also had heaps of cool flavours, so I also bought a choc chip bagel, and a pesto & black olive bagel, for 75c each. (There were other cool favours too, like sundried tomato, blueberry, muesli, cinnamon & raisin, ... ...)
My vote for the best shop: Fairmount. The hot sesame seed bagel was crispy on the outside, and soft and warm and doughy on the inside... yum...

The Plateau is really a bag of goodies... and I hadn't gone there at all since yesterday! Yesterday we walked down Mont Royal Ave to go to Miriam's house to watch C.R.A.Z.Y. (which was a bit of a crazy movie, although it had won lots of awards and things). We passed so many cafes and eateries of all kinds, bakeries, 2nd hand bookshops (we only got to spend 15 min there because Miriam was time-conscious and herded us out ;-p)... it was lovely! I think if I ever come back to Montreal to live I would like to live in the Plateau! (By the way, if it isn't clear enough, the bagel places were also in the Plateau... so I can go there often too!!) And Montreal is really cycle-friendly, so I wouldn't need a car... Dave and I could just ride our bikes to places, or catch metro... and visit cafes, bagel shops and second hand bookstores on weekends... and go riding on Mount Royal which is so close too... ah what a lovely life that would be!

A study on prayer

2006-04-21T14:24:00.000+10:00

I figure a reason people don't comment is because I mainly just talk about myself, my daily comings and goings. Well this post is different.
Nature has recently published the result of a large-scale study regarding the effectiveness of prayer, concluding that prayer for the sick has no effect.

http://www.nature.com/news/2006/060327/full/060327-16.html

To my Christian friends I ask - how should we, as believing Christians, understand this study and this issue?
To my non-Christian friends I have no specific question, but welcome your input.

Another silly one...

2006-04-18T03:06:00.000+10:00

... try it yourself, and post what you get!

You Should Get a PhD in Science (like chemistry, math, or engineering)

You're both smart and innovative when it comes to ideas.
Maybe you'll find a cure for cancer - or develop the latest underground drug.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

The seven last words of Christ on the cross

2006-04-15T15:30:00.000+10:00

I decided not to go to the mass at the St. Joseph Oratory today with Miriam, Tomoko and Esther, due to the very slow progress of my essay, and also because I wanted to go to the People's Church service this evening. It was a special service, with no announcements and more singing, featuring a small choir that had been put together for the occasion. I felt a little bad as Violetta had asked me months ago to be in the choir, so perhaps I should have been there, and I guess it would have been fun... but yeah, the rehearsals took place over 6 hours on two consecutive Friday evenings, and I didn't know if it was the best way to spend them. The choir was good though - they did a lovely job of leading worship - and it was conducted by a music student. Praise God for the choir!

I very much appreciated the message too. It was about the seven last words (really, utterances) by Christ on the cross, put together from the information in the four gospels. Of course, he may have said more than those seven things, but they are the only things we know for sure that he said in the hours just before his death. In lieu of my before-bed Bible reading today I thought I'd refresh my mind on what was said and post them here, for my sake and yours. Due to tiredness I'll keep my notes to a minimum. Anyhow, I think they speak for themselves. The thing to note is how different they are from what victims of crucifixion usually do/say when they're being nailed to the cross, and hanging there naked and being mocked by the crowd... i.e. either begging for mercy, or hurling down insults... but see what Jesus said:

Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. (Luke 23:34)

I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise. (Luke 23:43)

[to Mary] Dear woman , here is your son. (John 19:26)

[to John] Here is your mother. (John 19:27)
- all four of these are directed towards the well-being of other people. Even in his deepest sufferings, he showed his love in practical ways to other people. When I am going through tough times, I generally become preoccupied with my own problems and not very good at looking to the needs of others. What an example Jesus is, here, to emulate!

~ darkness, from the sixth to the ninth hour ~

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? (Mark 15:34)
- (I didn't know this before) Jesus quoting Psalm 22:1 - the psalm starts as a picture of suffering but ends as one of triumph, may be a prophecy of Jesus' death and resurrection. Jesus feeling that it's happening to him, that the prophecy is being fulfilled.

I am thirsty. (John 19:28)
- Shows that Jesus was fully man while being fully God... he was God but gave himself over to man's suffering... he suffered as any other person would suffer physically on the cross. The thirsting make it more real too... I mean we often think of pain as the main thing one would suffer on a cross, but don't realise that blood loss --> hypovolemia --> thirst. It must have been unimaginably horrible, what he had to go through.

It is finished. (John 19:30)
- According to the pastor (who tends to talk a lot about his knowledge of Hebrew and Greek, but in this case it was helpful), the Greek word used here was the same as that written on bills and monetary transcripts when they had been paid. It's too bad that all the double meanings in John's gospel can't be translated, but I'll leave you to figure out why Jesus used that particular word (instead of the many other words for 'finished') and what he paid for in full...

Further Montreal Adventures

2006-04-03T11:23:00.000+10:00

A week after the rest of the world (except for some backward places who have abolished it altogether), Montreal went into Daylight Saving Time (I think, because its spring is so late). Funnily, Melbourne was a week late this year due to the Commonwealth Games. So now, instead of a 16 (or -8) hour difference between Montreal and Melbourne, there are 14 (or -10). It's actually worse, because the absolute value difference is greater (so, closer to a 12 hour reverse than before).

Today was also the day Josh (fellow Australian, Christian and French-stumbler) and I went to visit the Oratoire St-Joseph, a big Catholic cathedral on the mountain-next-to-downtown, a big tourist attraction which claims to be one of the three top holy places situated in big cities - the other two being Notre Dame de Paris and the St Peter's Basilica of Rome. That's a pretty bold claim, and one that I really can't verify, until I go to both the other places. But it was pretty big, and pretty, but the view was not as pretty as it could have been, if all the trees were in leaf. I shall have to return in a month's time, just before I leave Montreal, and hopefully the garden there will be open too. It was only a 10-minute busride from the centre of the city. That's the great thing about Montreal - there are these pockets of surprise - big cathedrals, the mountain, small parks and squares - dotted throughout the island, which is largely very urban, with dense commercial and residential areas. When you're at somewhere like the Oratoire, or on top of Mount Royal, it's easy to forget you're only 10 minutes away, by car or bus, from downtown. It's what makes this city so interesting.

This is a photo taken at the bus-stop where we hopped off. Nice angle-work, Josh! Like I keep saying, if you want to see more such photos, leave a note on this blog and I'll send you a Flickr invite. Or you could just follow the Flickr link on the right, if you just want to see buildings and scenery.

This one is a view from the same bus-stop, just without me. :-) You can see that it's really surrounded by a very urban area. A mountain in the middle of the city! I still can't get over that.

Josh is so hilarious - and it's not just me, but all the girls I know think so - and the funniest thing is perhaps that he doesn't realise. Today was just typical. He stumbled into church about 10 minutes late, looking semi-dishevelled. The bunch of girls I was sitting with, in the back row of the church (I was 5 minutes late myself), who knew him from Cru were all like, 'hehe, look, there's Josh' - in a nice way, not a disparaging way - sometimes it's hard to convey nuances with just words. What was really funny happened after, when we were at the Oratoire. We'd been walking around taking photos, taking advantage of the brilliantly sunny and beautiful day to get some decent shots, when I look at my watch and see that it's 3:25pm.
Me: 'Oh, we should try to figure out where the organ concert is - the basilica or th crypt.'
Josh: 'Oh, what time is it at?'
Me: '3:30.'
Josh: 'Oh... oh, I don't know why you were in such a rush before, we've still got ages.'
Me: 'What? No, we've only got 5 minutes, it's 3:25!'
Josh (looks at watch): 'No it's not, it's only half past two!'
Me (laughing): 'JOSH, you've forgotten to change the time on your watch.'
Josh: 'What time?... change?... what are you talking about?'
Me: 'Remember? It's daylight saving today.'
Josh: 'What? I never heard anything about daylight saving.'
Me: 'What?... It's... DAYLIGHT SAVING today. This morning... this morning! Don't you know? Were you one hour late at church?...'
Josh: 'No, I was at church.'
Me (interrogatively): 'What time did you go to church?'
Josh: '11:10! And now it's 2:30.'
Me: 'Whaaaaat.... No, I changed my clocks, I went at 11:10 as well, and now it's 3:30.... what....'
Josh: 'I don't believe you... there was no time change!' [triumphant accusatory look]
Me: ... [confused look]
Josh [sudden realisation dawns on his face]: 'OH! I know what happened. My computer must have changed automatically! My computer's alarm clock wakes me up. It must have taken into account daylight saving automatically.'
Me: 'Haha, WHAT... so you weren't late even though you didn't know about daylight saving... hahaha...'
Josh (sudden look of frustration and frowns): 'Oh, so THAT's why I'm so tired!!!! THAT's why! I thought I'd gotten six hours of sleep, but actually I've only gotten five!!! No wonder I'm so tired! Stupid daylight saving, robbed me of an hour's sleep!...'

That was so funny. That was a 'moment' I had to write down. Hehehe... ;-p

Before going to the Oratoire we went to Chez Cora for lunch with the group of girls from church and a guy from Ottawa who was the friend of one of them. It was seriously the first time I'd gone out for a meal since the 1st of January. And it was very yummy!

Heaps of other stuff has happened too since I've written a proper update (especially since I've written a proper Canadia Update Email). Other things you can find on Flickr include

- the AWESOME visit to a cabane à sucre, une véritable tradition québécoise

- the St Patrick's Day Parade, when anglophones and francophones are united in their Irish fervour.

Okay, I've really and truly used up my whole night on this!! And succeeded in doing no work except for writing 100 words in French this entire weekend.

God bless you all!

Rate my life

2006-03-30T10:12:00.000+11:00

Now, this is kind of silly, but anywayz...

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.1
Mind:	7.4
Body:	7.5
Spirit:	7.5
Friends/Family:	4.4
Love:	6.9
Finance:	5.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Winter has disappeared!

2006-03-30T08:37:00.000+11:00

Winter has all but disappeared, and I can scarcely believe it. It has happened so fast, like in the blink of an eye. I still remember shivering in my big blue coat with frozen fingers on my way to a friend's place just two weeks ago. It would have been about -10 air temperature, lower with wind chill. Every day this week, the max temp has been above 10 degrees. The sittable places outdoors at uni has been packed every day - on steps outside buildings, on the long ledge of stone outside the library, on the hilly lawn where I sat today for about half an hour doing some reading. Half an hour! Two weeks ago, I would not have dreamt of being outside for half an hour at a stretch in the open air, let alone sitting on grass. Actually, there would have been no grass to sit on! Today the grass was still more yellow-brown, with a greenish tinge, but it was dry... and it was actually a really good place to study because the ground was sloped, making it easier for posture. I left only when the wind started to blow.

Tomorrow it will be 16 degrees! At the start of March I remember we had some horrid days, colder than Jan and Feb... so that means that within this one month, we would have had two days that are 30 degrees apart! Now that's pretty amazing.

I know I haven't blogged for a long time... I guess it's coz I've been really quite busy. Really wanted to blog about cabane a sucre but I guess you're just going to have to go to the photo album and get the story from there. I would go again, but unfortunately the People's Church cabane outing clashes with the last International Students' Bible Study & Lunch, so... :-(

Mostly though I've been busy with work. To illustrate this, including tonight I would have skipped 3 orchestra rehearsals in the last 10 days. Tonight is the second-last rehearsal of the Beethoven orchestra, tons of sightreading including Beethoven's 5th and Brahms' Requiem (which I don't even know, except for that it's famous), so I really am missing out. But I really need to get this philosophy paper done by Friday... heard on the grapevine that we have something due for French tomorrow, but I don't even know if I am going to care... thank God that my French presentations last Fri and yesterday went okay though... and from past experience, I know that the philo essay will end up getting done too... despite knowing that, I still stress in the meantime. Puzzlehunt (http://www.ms.unimelb.edu.au/~mums/puzzlehunt) is also something else running this week, which I have to participate in because it's so much fun and it only runs once a year, and all my maths friends are involved in it. btw it's open to anyone so if you like being puzzled, check it out!

After Friday and this paper I'll be able to breathe a sigh of relief. Pray to God he keeps me going with enough energy until then.

Beautiful spring!

2006-03-24T16:13:00.000+11:00

Today was a gorgeous day - so sunny! Walking through McGill I walked past all these people sitting outside on steps and benches... seems that I wasn't the only one enjoying one of the first sunny days of spring.

I found out the other day that spring here doesn't actually begin on March 1st - it begins on March 20th, the spring equinox! Another strange Canadian phenomenon? I suppose it makes sense, though, them being so far north, to have shorter springs and autumns and longer summers and winters.

Anyhow, even by that reckoning it's spring now - and the sunlight, the warm sunlight, just filled me with wonderful feelings of joy! Warm sunlight is something I haven't felt in ages - but it's warm now (as in, consistently above 0 degrees - it really does feel warm too, when it's not windy) - the snow has all but melted (all of a sudden! I seem to have missed the transformation...) I guess I wasn't expecting it, having become used to perpetual winter, and now that spring is here I can hardly believe it! I can identify with Garfield (in more ways than one, these days)!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2006-03-18T08:48:00.000+11:00

As I was told this morning, "Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick's Day."

As the Irish folk often say:

May there always be work for your hands to do,
May your purse always hold a coin or two,
May the sun always shine on your windowpane,
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain,
May the hand of a friend always be near you,
May your heart always fill with gladness to cheer you.

Have a great day!

Pictures of Montreal

2006-03-12T14:07:00.000+11:00

The island of Montreal is serviced by quite a good metro system, with trains that run on rubber tires. It's rather loud, it's a bit old and rundown, but on the whole the trains are quick and frequent, and the 40-50 stations service most of the island so it's really easy to get from place to place!

One cool and interesting thing I've noticed about Montreal metro stations here is that although they are all mainly constructed with big slabs of grey stone, each metro station is also slightly different, with their own unique features.

Here are a few pictures I took of the station Villa-Maria, where I was the other day - funky rainbow-y seats and wall decorations!

Today was a gorgeous day - up to 8 degrees! I was bold enough to go out today without my coat, and as I was walking with a spring in my step towards the metro station, soaking up the sun, I almost felt like stripping down to a T-shirt and sunbaking!
After Bible study I met up with Josh to go to Mount Royal, a big hill right next to downtown Montreal, with lots of paths for walking and cross-country skiing and nice views. Normally when going somewhere I'd do research beforehand on what the best way to get there, how long it takes etc... except this time we just went on advice from a friend which was like... go here, take the 129 bus... then take the 11 bus...
... we ended up waiting for the 129 bus for half an hour, seeing three 80 buses go by and then deciding to take an 80 bus instead (which actually was also okay, but we didn't know that before). Then we waited for seriously an hour before the 11 bus came, even though it was supposed to come every 15 minutes. But we had an interesting conversation at the busstops about politics, religion, philosophy, law and education, so it wasn't too bad, and thank God, the weather wasn't too cold.

So by the time we got to the mountain it was past 5 o'clock... still managed to get some nice shots though, including one just before sunset. It began to get really cold though... just because of the altitude, and even colder as the sun went down. Here are some pics from the mountain:

View of the east - you can just faintly see the Olympic Stadium in the distance. I haven't visited it yet. Hopefully when I post these photos on flickr you'll be able to see the details better.

View of the north-west just before sunset - you can see the Oratoire St. Joseph on the left of the picture.

A big cross that stands on top of the mountain, it is lit up at night and you can see it from the city down below (provided not blocked by skyscrapers). It was originally built in wood at the founding of Montreal. (Quebec's origins are very strongly Catholic.)

A view to the south. (Downtown.) Most of McGill university would be to the left of the picture, but the round structure on the lower left that takes up quite a bit of the picture is the medical building. It's where I Medici rehearsals are held.

If you liked these, more Images of Montreal can be found at my Photo Album.

CBC Archives

2006-03-10T05:11:00.000+11:00

In Canada the big news television stations CBC (English) and Radio-Canada (French) have these big archives sections with TV and radio clips of important events and issues in history, divided up into big sections. If you go to http://archives.cbc.ca for example, as well as the featured presentations there are also categories on the left hand side you can click to go to a specific section. These things are so useful and even fun just to randomly wander through, and get glimpses of history, society, culture and how these have changed. I wonder if there's anything like this in Australia? - I couldn't find anything like it at the ABC website for instance, and at theage I could only find an In Depth section, which CBC has separately also. Perhaps I am being a bit of a cynic, but browsing through even a serious organisation like the ABC's website it seems that there is a lot of fluff and superficiality, and a lot of sport and entertainment, more in the style of what I would expect from Channel 7 and Channel 9. No wonder people speak of the 'dumbing-down' of the Australian public...?

Weekly Wisdom

2006-03-07T08:57:00.000+11:00

As some of you may know, I subscribe to an email newsletter called Weekly Wisdom, which each week consists of two short and concise reflections for living wisely from a Christian perspective.

The following paragraph was in the one I received today:

'For example, say you want to eat a snack, but you aren't hungry. You might say to yourself, "Well I know I shouldn't eat this, but ... ." And then you decide to keep eating even though you are full. Your actions followed your feelings instead of wisdom, and it's a decision that may lead to results you're not happy with later.'

So pertinent.

Musical Mayhem

2006-03-06T16:44:00.000+11:00

(my most recent email update to friends Down Under:)

Hello everyone,

I know I haven't written for awhile - things have actually been pretty busy, and also the winter cold has had some effect on my mood, making me depressed and unmotivated. We had a one week break at the end of Feb, which was nice - I didn't go anywhere, deciding to just stay and relax in Montreal coz my flatmates were going back home for a week and it'd be nice and quiet, and also I got to catch up quite a bit with people I'd met in Montreal (if you've been reading my blog/flickr photo album then you'll know that such things included a sushi party and ice skating with people from the international students' Bible study group and a walk around Old Montreal (including a visit to the Notre-Dame Basilica) with another Aussie exchange student who's in my French class.). But unfortunately last week classes started again... with freeeeezing wintry weather... I didn't moisturise my hand after going out a couple of times and now I have these dried scabby streaks down two fingers of my left hand (just from the abrasion of the super cold wind) which seem to now be resistant to moisturisation and which I probably have to wait a few weeks for the skin to all replace itself before it goes away. And there is only just over a month more of classes, which means there's a project or a research paper for every subject due quite soon... which is making things rather stressful. As if the freeezing cold and wind isn't stressful enough by itself, every time you have to walk in it.

This weekend I have been suuuper-busy. The guy who conducts I Medici di McGill (the doctor's orchestra) is an old gentleman from Wales called Ewin Edwards who used to teach at McGill and is an expert in choral conducting. He's retired now from teaching but is conducting I Medici plus a million choirs - he says he is busier now than before he retired. ;-p He is also the musical director of the Montreal Children's Choir, an absolutely superb choir (which I can say because I have now heard them) which he founded in 2000; the choir was to perform for their concert today a little children's opera (as in, all children actors) which needed a small instrumental ensemble, and he asked me and another med student in the orchestra to be part of the group. I didn't know this when he asked me, but the group had only four violins, one cello and a handful of wind and percussion in it - and the other two violinists were MSO (Montreal symph orch) players! It was probably difficult to find many professional musicians though who were willing to give up almost an entire Saturday (1-8pm) and Sunday (afternoon and evening performances), which is why me and the other girl were called upon to do the job. Most other pple there WERE professionals ( e.g. the cellist and many of the wind players) but were contacts of Ewin's, so it was all a very nice and friendly atmosphere. We got extremely yummy food both Saturday and Sunday after the rehearsal/performance - platters of sandwiches and fruit and cheese and biscotti and sweet slices and biscuits... to a student having to make do with basic meals such food was a great delight to behold... and to eat. :-) The kids were soooo cute, with ages ranging from 7 to 16, and were so hard-working, earnest and talented in their singing and acting! It's no mean feat to be able to sing and act convincingly and in time with music too! The opera was also of historical significance in that it was performed over 50 times in a concentration camp outside Prague during Nazi Europe, as a form of distraction/entertainment for the children. So a consul of the Czech republic actually attended the evening performance tonight - and brought with him some pamphlets and CD-ROMs about the Czech Republic which were distributed freely. I was also pleasantly surprised to discover that we actually got paid for our work this weekend - $100 for two days may have been just a token sum for the MSO players but I was quite happy as I had not expected it! As Dave says, perhaps I can now afford to go out and buy some biscotti... perhaps. ;-p

Musical busy-ness continues tomorrow, with I Medici due to perform their first concert of the year... that one I'm not so enthusiastic about, NOT just because I'm not being paid lol, but also the orchestra is a little less organised and really big... so I don't feel as if I'm making a really significant contribution to the orchestra, and yet I am devoting a lot of time to it... we have to be there at 6pm tomorrow even tho 8pm concert... and had a 'dress rehearsal' on friday night last week for 3 hours on top of our normal 3 hours monday night rehearsal... but it's not that bad, the people are okay, the conductor (Ewin again) is really nice and drives me home afte rehearsals, so I'd feel bad if I quit. So I'll see how it goes.

Argh, better go to sleep, it's almost 1am... I guess after Monday the musical stuff will settle down, I will just have monday night rehearsal (if i continue) and wednesday night (this lil orchestra I joined at McGill just last week, it's for conducting students to practice on, so there's a couple of pieces to work on with a heap of sight-reading, which is a lot of fun! - tho chaotic with inexperienced conductors...) Two orchestras is a lot to keep up, and I do find this Beethoven Orchestra more fun than I Medici, but like I said I feel bad about quitting I Medici so I'll see how things go.

Yes... really better go to sleep. Hope things are well with you all down under, and as always I'd love to hear from any of you. My Christian brothers and sisters - your prayers during this busy and stressful time will be appreciated.

All the best,

Sally

I hate this frigging weather

2006-03-04T14:49:00.000+11:00

I've had enough of this frigging weather. The stupid snow, the stupid wind. Snow can be pretty, but not when thick piles of it are being blown into your face, pelting your glasses, your eyelids, getting sucked in through your mouth every time you open it a fraction, being forced to squint your eyes shut and fixing your face in a grimace as a result for the whole time you're walking on the street, not being able to see more than two steps in front of you, not being able to lift your head up to see which street you're up to because the snow will immediately force you to shut your eyes hence defeating the purpose... it's so depressing.

Argh!! Stupid me.

2006-03-04T01:25:00.000+11:00

I completely forgot about those eggs I was boiling on the stove, argh!! (Got too engrossed in reading The Briefing and eating my breakfast.) By the time I finished breakfast, took my dishes back to the kitchen and realised, they'd been in boiling water for 15 minutes, instead of 5 minutes!!!!! Argh!!!!

And to make it worse, when I opened the cupboard to get something else to eat, I noticed I'd put my glad-wrapped half-a-tomato in there rather than in the fridge. That would have been a few days ago too. So stupid and absentminded and incompetent.

So pointless

2006-03-03T13:13:00.000+11:00

So reading week finished... semester has restarted... and I'm not in great shape. Apparently suffering from week-after-break syndrome.

I'm sooo tired, I have soooo much work, and my philosophy subject seems to be becoming more pointless than ever. The convoluted and verbose readings on deceptively simply-worded topics such as 'what makes right acts right?' seem to have hardly much wisdom to teach. I have little motivation to find an academic to interview for a French oral presentation, and not much more to research about the Italian towns in Cicero's day for a bloody long Latin paper. Even though most assignments don't need to get done for almost another month, it just feels like everything is bearing down on me. I can't see anything else in this month to look forward to. Everything feels pointless, even though objectively and rationally speaking, nothing is wrong. I haven't failed anything, no disasters have happened, I am even relatively on track. But things somehow still feel wrong and stupid and pointless, yes, the same subjects I was so enthusiastic about and enjoyed (and still enjoy, actually, for the most part). I'm sick and tired of meeting new people, and just wish to be able to talk to people who know me well and who I'm comfortable hanging around without trying to make a good impression (and vice versa). I almost feel in fact that it's pointless trying to meet more people coz I'll be leaving in 2 months, even though I have managed to meet lots of nice people in the two months I've been here.

Someone I was talking to on MSN suggested it might be a winter thing... according to her, everyone gets depressed around this time because they've had 'too much winter' - housemates argue, relationships break up, etc. I guess the magic of winter is being lost on me gradually now, now that I've felt what -30 feels like and have been filled with hatred at the bitter wind (even though hatred is not something I feel very often). Someone else on MSN reckoned it's through being cooped up indoors that winter has its effect, which is certainly a possibility. Even on milder days it's impossible to sit outside and eat lunch or whatever, even when the temperature permits, because it's just wet everywhere... all the surfaces one can sit on are either covered with snow or melted snow...

Bah - I'm not sure exactly why I feel this way. I have mixed feelings about Montreal too, on the one hand it's a great city with nice parks and lots of cultural things to do all the time, and easy to get around; on another, it's a city gone a bit overboard (learning about the social revolution in the 60s now) with liberalisation... before the 1960s Quebec was really really conservative to the point where it hampered personal development and social progress... one reason was because of the oppressive control of the Catholic Church. So they scrapped all that... it is said that en masse, 'the Quebecois left the churches for the shopping centres'. Whereas before the 60s people had huge families (like, up to 20-something kids), nowadays Montreal has one of the lowest birth rates in the Western world. The divorce rate is 66%. Such is the result of open-mindedness and personal freedoms. Such is the price, perhaps.

I see so many depressed and empty faces wherever I go, on the metro, at the metro stations where the homeless sleep, out on the streets where people walk miserably with their faces covered to protect against the cold. For the past week, mine has probably been looking similar. I've also been too busy to cook, so the vegetables I bought zealously during my lovely reading week are sitting, probably rotting, in the fridge, while I heat up things from my freezer and snack incessantly on cookies and chocolate. Seriously, even when I'm not hungry I take handfuls of chocolate chips from my cupboard, and when i finish, I go back 3 or 4 times for more. Similarly with these imported butterfly-shaped cookie/pastry things I bought. I also buy giant chocolate chip cookies from the caf at McGill for no good reason and munch on them as I work. I don't know why... it's like, eating provides my only real source of pleasure... everything else requires the pointless expenditure of energy. And I'm so tired...

Exerpt from a personal email of mine

2006-03-02T16:00:00.000+11:00

All my life I've wanted to share stuff I learn about that I find new and interesting with other pple, but for the vast majority of the pple I've met, study, or rather learning, is a private, individualistic thing... pple jus naturally assume other pple won't be interested in what they're learning, and for the most part, pple aren't. I really don't get our society, you know. How people want, even need people to go places with them, even to places so loud you can't hear each other (like clubs), or places so dark you can hardly see each other (like movie theatres), yet the most interesting things about the human experience, our ideas, are held to be uninteresting and unimportant among friends and friendships, and are relegated to the academic or professional realm...

Dilemma

2006-03-01T13:59:00.000+11:00

I have a dilemma. Namely, what to do after my semester finishes, which is at the end of April (my last exam is on the 28th). My options include:

1) Stay in Montreal for another month. Dave may be able to get leave from the 8th to the 22nd of May, in which case he could come visit me. Main downside is the expensive ($2000+) plane ticket (and also finding a place to stay for those 3 weeks as my lease runs out at the end of April - though that shouldn't be a big problem). I would love to see Dave again though, and to do some sightseeing with him in the warm weather (explore parks and gardens, go for walks in various quartiers of the city, go for a drive in the country perhaps).

If Dave doesn't come, I would:
2) Leave Montreal in early May to go to uncle's place in New Jersey (close to NY), where I can leave a lot of my things (including an extra suitcase, laptop and violin). Having that as a base, I can do some travelling, e.g. to Boston (to visit Stew), and am also thinking about going to Lyon (can get a flight for about $600 if lucky) for 10 days or so to visit Bec. From Lyon I think it's also possible to get a flight to London at a ridiculously cheap price of $25 with a budget airline, so may go visit Alison there (though I haven't spoken to her about it yet). Benefits are not needing to pay Europe's high costs of accommodation and having friends to hang out with. Downside is of course not getting to do sightseeing in Montreal with Dave. And I don't know when we would be able to do that again... I thought of maybe during my elective, if i come back to Montreal, but that's a big if, and also it'll be during winter again.
If I don't visit Lyon (and maybe London) this time, it's gonna be expensive to go in the future, without friends to stay with. And hence will be more rushed... less time to hang out and appreciate things...

I really don't know which option would be better (assuming Dave gets the leave. If not, then obviously it's option 2). Please help.

Sally

Personality Test

2006-02-27T14:17:00.000+11:00

As a med student, I have a slight disapproval that this personality test was called Personal DNA, and even purports to provide me with an image depicting this so-called DNA (which blogger doesn't seem to want to display).

But I think it was actually a pretty accurate test. The questions were quite specific and detailed... but what really impressed me was that it concorded with my Myers-Briggs results! It said something like, 'This is approximately equivalent to INFJ on the Myers-Briggs test', which is exactly what I am on that test. So now I have reason to believe both of these, especially now as I am getting to an age where my personality is going to remain more or less fixed from now on.

If anyone is interested, here are my results. I am a benevolent idealist.

A busy break :-)

2006-02-24T17:30:00.000+11:00

Oxymoronic title?

I'm thoroughly enjoying my break though - it has been a real break from studies anyway, haven't done any except reading a page and a half of French this afternoon.
However, I have done this week - swimming, playing music, ice skating, watching Anne of Green Gables, sliding down an ice slide, eating marshmallow roasted on an open fire, visited 4 people's houses for the first time, made (and ate) sushi at a sushi party, baked Anzac biscuits (not a great first-attempt), gone to Old Montreal, including the Notre-Dame Basilica, and taken lots of photos, put some songs onto my new iPod Nano, borrowed videos on the Songs of Solomon from Pastor Bryan (and watched the first episode), played with very cute 2.5 year old kid from Germany and chattering in German, gone grocery shopping, went to Chinatown, ate at a restaurant for the first time in ages...

Of course, some of these things I would have done even if I didn't have a break, and many of the things I mentioned overlap (as in, occurred at the same event). But it's been fun... even though I haven't really gone exploring the city and visiting tourist attractions (save only Old Montreal).

Now it's time for bed... my usual holiday bedtime, sigh...

Weather saga continues...

2006-02-19T03:23:00.000+11:00

Yesterday we had gusts of 90km/h, added onto the cold, so with windchill it was about -18... A bus shelter was blown over several blocks east of McGill, I'm not sure if anyone was injured. It was certainly one of the worst winds I'd been in though, not only because it was windy, but also because the ground was icy from the freezing rain. So whenever a big gust came, I had to stop walking and plant my feet solidly on the ground, pushing down with them, and actively pushing my body into the wind, in order to avoid being blown over.

Today I am supposed to be going to skating class in the morning (i.e. now). But guess what the weather is... it's -18deg outside AIR TEMP, and with wind chill, it's -29!!!!! If you don't believe me, check out that weather site yourself, it's on the sidebar. I opened the window to see how bad it was and it felt like I was sticking my arm into a freezer... a WINDY freezer!! And now I've missed the bus, so don't think I'll be going... especially as it will entail a big 15min walk down to People's Church for Bible study afterwards... (but the church is only 2min walk from the metro, so I can just catch metro there from home). Especially scary are these frostbite risk guidelines based on new windchill research: at -29 deg, exposed skin (i.e. my forehead, my cheeks, the tip of my nose!) can freeze in under 30min! Somehow, I'm happy to be safe and warm inside, rather than outside, in the windy freezer.

Man, you could write an adventure story starring Canadian winter weather... ;-p

Added at 11:36am: I guess if you had a car, though, it wouldn't be so bad. Provided you kept it in an indoor garage and the door handles didn't freeze, anyway.

And the weather gets worse...

2006-02-17T04:09:00.000+11:00

... crazy day today. The snow is coming down like crazy, being blown every which way by the gusty wind... there's probably been already 10cm since this morning. You can literally see the snow sweeping across the air outside, and forming tunnel-like structures around entrances to buildings. And because it's so light, like air, it finds its way everywhere - into my neck, into my face, into my eyes, ears, nose and mouth. Anyone ever lived in Beijing? Imagine a sandstorm - it's just like that, except it's a white one. Freezing cold too. -8 air temp atm, but with a 41km/h gust, the windchill equivalent is -18.

According to the crazy weather forecast, tomorrow it will be 7 degrees and Saturday, -11.

Updated at 12:58pm: Man I now know what that fluffy* icy crap was that was swirling across the air and pouring into my clothes... it was freezing rain... weather warning is up on the website. Except it doesn't mean anything. My test afternoon isn't cancelled, I still have to go. Back to study...

*sorry dave, no pun/allusion intended, of course.

Updated at 4:11pm:
French test s'est passé bien. Mais le cauchemar du temps continue. The snowploughs have come out en masse, but still quite a few roads in the city are covered with snow, with cars travelling on them at a snail's pace, and pedestrians crossing the roads at will, desperate to get out of the snow and not fearing the slow cars. Having walked through stacks of soggy snow to get home from the metro station, I can still hear an emergency vehicle wailing in the distance.

Someone in French class came up with une théorie - le temps semble être mauvais le 16 de chaque mois. Le 16 décembre, c'était le grand orage de neige (41cm pendant une journée), le 16 janvier, le "petit" orage de glace (petit en comparaison avec un autre en 1993 (?) qui a coupé l'électricité de Montréal pendant une ou deux semaines en plein hiver, McGill ayant aussi fermé), et aujourd'hui, c'est le 16 février. C'est un peu étrange, n'est-ce pas?

Valentine's Day

2006-02-16T11:36:00.000+11:00

I received Dave's package today. His card was soooo lovely and sweet... it made me cry to read it...

Not having a great time...

2006-02-16T04:19:00.000+11:00

I've not been having a great time this week... been sick with a minor virus, but have so many things due that it's crazy and I seriously don't know if I'll be able to finish everything on time - and with the virus, most of the time I don't really have enough energy to work...

Last night I ended up going to sleep at 2:30, thanks to my neighbour who was having a couple of friends in her room watching Friends on her laptop. Her room being closet-sized, like my room, I don't even know how she managed to fit so many people there. And they were about 30cm from my head, where I was sleeping (the wall being about 5-10cm). So every time they laughed, it would come straight through the wall into my room, as if there were no wall, as if someone was sitting 30cm away from you and laughing in the same room. It was kind of hard to sleep. I was also thoroughly exhausted from the day (had Josh and Esther over from 5-10pm to work on French presentation, which was rather tiring). So yeah, I got up today at 12 noon... also woke up at 10 but decided I didn't want to get up, so skipped my philo lecture in the morning... sigh how am I supposed to do a philo paper of 1500 words in two days AND study for 3 tests at the same time...

And now it's 12:25pm... and I haven't even had breakfast yet. And tonight after class I have THREE things to go to before I can finally go home. (One of which is studying for French test tomorrow with other pple, and then part of an Intelligent Design debate, and then to watch part of an orchestra rehearsal I might join after Reading Week.)

I'm not surviving very well atm.

Good news of forgiveness

2006-02-14T11:05:00.000+11:00

From http://www.christnotes.org/ww.php:

When you forgive, the debt doesn't just go away. You absorb the debt. That's why forgiveness is so hard.

Say you lend a person one thousand dollars, but suppose that when the time comes for the loan to be repaid that person is unable to repay you. If you forgive that person of his debt, then that person no longer owes you anything. By forgiving, you forfeited the money—you absorbed the debt.

How is it that God is able to forgive our sins against him? He absorbed them by sending his son to suffer the penalty for our debts (sins). Christ absorbed the penalty of death so that we don't have to. When God forgave us, he said, "There's no need to repay me." (We couldn't repay God even if we tried, but now we're freed from the burden of trying.)

When you forgive someone, you absorb their debt. That's why forgiveness is so hard.

In Luke 7, Jesus tells this parable to Simon: "Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?" Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled." "You have judged correctly," Jesus said.

Forgiveness is a sign of love. To forgive someone of a massive debt (in this case, five hundred denarii) is a sign of massive love. How is forgiveness a sign of love? Because if you forgive much, then you must absorb much debt (pain, suffering, loss, etc.). Our sin against God is the biggest possible debt we could have; so for God to absorb that is a sign of his endless, measureless love.

When He forgave us, God didn't just ignore our debt; he absorbed our debt.

Weather

2006-02-07T09:56:00.000+11:00

... it's cold today! The temperature dropped by 10 degrees overnight. It's -7 right now, but with windchill, it's -14.

It snowed all day too, which made it kind of difficult to walk outside, as the snow is easily carried by the wind and blows into one's face and sticks onto one's nose and eyelaskes ('snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes').

All part of the adventure, eh?

------------------------
Added at 11:42pm:

Woah, I just read this: http://www.radio-canada.ca/nouvelles/regional/modele.asp?page=/regions/Quebec/2006/02/05/002-Carnaval_sculpteur_blesse.shtml
Apparently the weather was so bad in Quebec City an ice sculpture melted and fell on the sculptor and injured him, just before the judging... and many events of the carnival were cancelled.

I'm eating too much again. I had dinner already before orchestra, and after I came back I had 1.5 crepes (with a banana and nutella) and a slice of pizza, and half an orange, and some chocolate. I usually crave sweet or fatty things... today at uni i bought a muffin with my coffee... i had an apple that I carried around with me the whole day, including orchestra... but did I eat it? No... which basically means I'm not hungry, but just have a desire to eat sweet/fatty things, a desire I didn't used to have. It sucks. (You know what's funny though, I've stopped eating those Ritz crackers with Philly cheese.)

On a different note, I'm going to see a real hockey game tomorrow night! Montreal Canadiens versus, um, I dunno. It should be interesting though - I say interesting, because I don't know if it'll be necessarily fun (especially not around this part of the semester), but I feel it's something i should do while I'm here. It'll cost me $30, which I guess is not that bad. But everything is bad when you're paying $630 a month for rent on no income, and just received the bill in the email today.

The Rich Young Man and Jesus

2006-02-05T15:02:00.000+11:00

Went to an International Students' Bible Study today, held at People's Church but it's through the InterVarsity Christian organisation at McGill. I admit that what attracted me to go to that one over the other ones was the prospect of a nice, home-cooked dinner provided with the Bible Study, and also that Barry Wong, who leads it, had been mentioned to me earlier in an email by someone at St Jude's as someone who works with medical and dental students in Montreal. But it turned out to be one of the best Bible studies I'd been to in a long time.

One reason was probably that I was in a good mood already - I'd just had a skating class, and although we didn't do much (we had a replacement teacher), it was nice having someone tell you some theory and suggestions of things to practise, e.g. stopping, and trying to skate backwards (apparently, you have to try and try and one day, you'll suddenly be able to do it... I guess like vibrato, and also this thing I achieved in year 12 which was getting my little finger on the left hand to stand up like the other fingers... but you'll have no clue what I'm talking about unless you also play violin, anyway). So I came away feeling like I'd learnt something, at least, that I could now work on. And the weather was really nice this morning, hardly any wind and above 0, so the walk down Rue University was really quite pleasant, with gorgeous views of the mountain when you look back up. I took a series of photos.

So yeah, I was in really quite a good mood when I got down to the People's Church, due to the nice crisp air and gorgeous views and the enjoyment of photography, which filled my heart with joy! There were a few people waiting outside the door, and they were really nice and friendly and welcoming. Soon after that Barry and his wife Michele arrived, so we could go inside, and I met the other people as they arrived too - some for their first time, like me, for some it was their second time and others had been for longer. In total there were about 12-13 students. The really nice thing was that everyone was not only friendly but interested in each other, which was more than what I had been feeling at church each week, where people were friendly but not necessarily interested in you as a person, due to them already having their own families and social networks and the like. So the genuine sense of interest was really refreshing. Barry and Michele were really great too, and brightened up the atmosphere with their sense of humour - it felt like a real family!

The Bible study proper (after lunch) was on Mark 10:17-31, about Jesus and the rich young man. Looking down at the piece of paper in front of me after lunch, I must admit that I didn't think I was going to get a lot out of it, as I had read the passage many times and knew what it was about - it was about a man who put money before God and had to learn to put God first.

How wrong (and arrogant) I was!

It ended up being an awesome Bible study. Everyone was really earnest and inquisitive and interested in digging into the text, and the method we used was one that encouraged looking closely at all the words used (without verse markings) and thinking about exactly why each word was used where. And I discovered, through the discussions and also through Barry's wisdom, so many intricacies I had never noticed before! By the end of it all, my piece of paper was full of markings and arrows and notes - on a story I thought I knew pretty darn well! I was really amazed - often have I read the Bible, especially the gospels, questioning what new things could be derived from those stories of Jesus's miracles, conversations, prayers, that I did not know already after reading them many times. But I was truly amazed at the power of God's word today.

I almost wanted to post up a little Bible-study of sorts here, to share with you some gems I learnt today. But time is short and I really ought to take advantage of the fact that my flatmate and her 3 guy friends who are staying in our lounge for the weekend are out to sleep... they were pretty loud last night from 3-4 when they came back and this afternoon too... and this evening I came back to, seriously, more beer bottles on the table than I'd ever seen before in such a small space - I just counted 20 empty bottles in total, and some unopened ones... but God is teaching me endurance...
So perhaps I'll just post a few questions, to call attention to just a couple of key things I had not really understood about the passage (or noticed) before today - first some specific ones and then some broader ones - I'd love to hear your responses/thoughts to these, and afterwards I'll share my own, and what I learnt from today.

1. Why does Jesus say 'Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone'? (I was really perplexed about this before, and when it was explained to me, it was just like suddenly seeing the solution to a maths problem, everything fitting together... ;-p)
[hint: the first time the man calls him 'good teacher'. What about the second time?]

2. Do you notice anything peculiar about the commandments Jesus lists?
[hint: aren't there meant to be 10? Why is it incomplete?]

3. What do you think about the usage of these words: 'inherit' and 'loved' - what is their purpose/meaning?

4. Why is it harder for people who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God?

5. What was the one thing the man lacked?

6. What does it take to enter the kingdom of God?

I guess it did turn into a bit of a Bible study. I hope you can all find reward from studying this passage as I did today! Today, I realised the delight one can take in studying God's word, the treasures that can be found in it, and the wisdom that God does indeed give to those who come to him and seek it earnestly. God bless you all who do this!

I can't believe she married him!...

2006-02-03T12:47:00.000+11:00

... just kidding (in case I offended anyone, in this case probably all my maths friends).

http://www.guardian.co.uk/arts/news/story/0,,1699203,00.html

It's a very funny story - and I'm sure he's an amazing guy - I guess I don't feel as bad about mocking him/them as I'm a lover of elegant proofs myself. Still, would you marry someone if they proposed with this? -

The explanation at the site is nice though. :-)

Beautiful!

2006-02-03T03:58:00.000+11:00

Montreal is beautiful on sunny days, it really is. Sunny days are rare in winter, but they are so gorgeous. I must take a photo.

Work is piling

2006-02-02T16:54:00.000+11:00

Due to my lack of motivation to do study in the last week, I now find myself with a 500 word essay in French, due tomorrow afternoon, which I am going to do during tomorrow's lunch break. I have also just spent 4 hours revising 150 lines of Cicero for a test tomorrow morning (and thus takes priority over the French essay, which I hope won't take that long...) Do pray for me / wish me luck for an extremely busy day tomorrow (technically today).

I haven't been craving chocolate/snacks as much today, though I still had many crackers with Philly cheese. I think it might be because
a) I didn't cook (I just had leftovers) - cooking can stimulate appetite
b) I have been busy focussing on my work (though have been wondering about relative lack of food craving)
c) I went ice-skating today, which may (???) have restored somewhat the dopamine level in my brain, which has plummeted since Dave left. I'm not quite up to scratch on my neurotransmitters though, perhaps one of the intern *teachers* (cough, cough) can put me right. ;-p

Good night!

Random things

2006-02-01T12:40:00.000+11:00

Random interesting website (it's about Condoleeza Rice):
http://www.andrewsullivan.com/people.php

***
I've had this headache for two days now, argh...
I have lots and lots and lots of work but don't feel motivated...
I snack too much... I have eaten half a box of Ritz crackers with half a container of Philadelphia cheese in half a week... I crave food too much, especially in the evenings...
I feel I am getting used to Montreal... it's a place I wouldn't mind living in... but it sucks as a place to learn French. It's straining on the mind to constantly switch between French mode and English mode, or to be in both at the same time, e.g. I'd be in French mode after French class, but then would have to change gears to have a conversation with someone in English. Then I have to change again to read the French paper, and again to read my philosophy reader, .... it's taxing.
I have a headache.

Quebec City Again

2006-01-30T13:44:00.000+11:00

(if you got my latest Canada update email, this is it again, so don't bother reading. If you didn't and would like to be placed on the list, please let me know!)

I went for a daytrip to Quebec City yesterday. I'd been before while Dave was in Canada, for a few days after Christmas, but right now there's a winter carnival there which is really famous, so I went along to see it yesterday, with a McGill student group. I was a bit hesitant about going, because I'm behind on work and also a friend who was going to go with me pulled out a few days earlier, so I thought I might not have fun, not knowing anyone. But as it turned out, it was an excellent day and I'm really glad I went.

Actually, I have fallen in love with Quebec City. It is a place that exudes small-town, European charm, despite not being a small town (it is the capital of Quebec) and not being European. That said, it is much smaller than Montreal and is really a tourist town rather than a business centre, so the people are very friendly and open, creating a great atmosphere. It is also the only city in North America that has preserved its old city walls, and the entire old city is heritage-listed! To sum it up, I really love its atmosphere, its friendliness and its more relaxed pace of life compared to big cities like Montreal!

'Carnaval', held each year for two weeks in Jan-Feb, is a real... I can't think of the right word, ... display / focus / manifestation of that European small town charm. The whole city lines up along the main street for a dogsled race, and the carnival proper has tubing and rafting (variations on what we know as tobogganing), ice sculpture competitions, sugary treats, random things like a big hot bath outside in subzero temperature, a human froosball game and an obstacle course for dogs. There is a real family atmosphere, with lots of kids and their parents all enjoying themselves (and many tourists too soaking up the festive cheer). The only thing I can think to compare it to is the Royal Melbourne Show, except it's not as big, much cleaner (white snow everywhere, no rubbish, no smells) and not so obviously advertising and money-making-oriented - there were a Kraft tent with free milk and cookies and fun things for kids, and a Metro tent (Metro is a big grocery chain) with food tastings and a café, but that's all: no Americanised places selling donuts and hot dogs, no noisy midway games (is that what they're called? that doesn't sound right), it felt safe and had a real community atmosphere without feeling like a closed community... it's hard to describe, but I hope I'm making some progress. It was just so lovely and... innocent, and unspoiled by American corporate culture... and also the people who worked there and the volunteers were nice... none of the stern professionalism you see everywhere in, say, NYC, and no attempts to push you around or anything like that... mostly they just stayed out of the way and let people enjoy themselves. And it's really hard to work out what it is that makes them different from, say, people in big cities like NY... I think it must be some non-verbal thing... the way they look at you, the way they use body language, that sort of thing... it's hard to come up with a really precise explanation.

Anyhow, it was a lot of fun. I have to admit I have felt frustration towards French Quebeckers on occasion while I have been here, e.g. learning about their culture and way of thinking in French class. There is a political party here that sits in the national parliament called the Bloc Quebecois which explicitly does not care about the rest of the country and is there to ONLY represent Quebec (in fact, they wish the rest of the country didn't exist.) There are crazy and frankly stupid laws such as there are not allowed to be English-only posters and where there is both English and French on public posters the French has to be in a bigger font... also, people do not have free choice whether to send their children to French or English schools... it must be in French, unless both parents are Canadian citizens and meet certian conditions (I think, if they were educated in Canada themselves in English). There is a sense of the majority French population quietly living a rebellion of sorts against their 'anglophone superiors' - I say that because the anglophones here tend to be in better jobs and earn more money than the francophones (which isn't all that surprising, considering english is the language of global business, etc). There is a sense of 'forcing' the French culture onto people... the French language in any case, which would be a major barrier for me if, say, I ever decide to work in Montreal. So even if one likes the city, these barriers can be prohibitory to pple wanting to stay, and many people who are educated here (quite cheaply I must say) work elsewhere in Canada because the language barrier is too great. I don't think this is a desirable consequence for Quebec.
(just as another example, they almost got a law passed stating all the food labelling had to be in French (including ingredients, directions, etc...), which prompted quite an exodus even though it wasn't eventually passed). But I digress... my main point here was going to be that while in many ways the cultural preservation they enforce is detrimental, in the case of Quebec city (and the carnival) I think it has been really good and successful.

If you're interested in seeing pics of Quebec City, they can be found at www.flickr.com/photos/sally_1405. I have also included a link to this on the right hand bar of this blog. However, not all my photos are available to be viewed by the general public ( e.g. many of the ones that I appear in are restricted to family/friends only). So if you are a friend, and want to see more photos, you'll have to sign up to Flickr and add me as a friend. To those contemplating online photo sharing of their own I strongly recommend this, flickr is the best online photo-sharing program I have seen by far (l had tried MSN but gave up coz it was so slow and hopeless - flickr is clear and simple and easy to use).

More food...

2006-01-28T09:26:00.000+11:00

.... guess what I bought today from the supermarket - horse meat mince! It was not only cheaper than beef mince, it had way less fat and way more iron, so I thought, well, why not give it a try! (Adventurous Sally...)

Because I'd never seen horse meat sold before I was curious and looked it up on the internet. This site was simple and interesting: http://www.foodreference.com/html/arthorsemeat.html
Apparently, it's quite québécois! My interesting discovery for the day!...

Nanny McPhee

2006-01-27T14:37:00.000+11:00

Went to see Nanny McPhee last night - Esther in my French class had lots of free passes to the preview, so decided to go along at the last minute. I believe it's already come out in Australia, so there you go, Canada is somewhat behind Australia. Actually I think it is in many ways, I've also noticed it with regard to cellphones / mobile phones. Many Canadians actually don't have mobile phones (in contrast to their North American neighbours, where everyone has one), and apparently text messaging is quite new on the scene in Canada, too.

Anyway, back to the movie. It was a really good movie - a lovely fairytale that upheld the good, innocent and simple over the gaudy and superficial. The characters were wonderfully and humorously caricatured, yet there was underlying depth to the story as well. The filming was quite excellent too - a lot was conveyed through the filming that wasn't explicitly stated. And there was suspense throughout - even though one could predict the ending quite early on, one was still held captivated as to the particular details that would eventuate - and the film was really delightful in terms of its small details! Overall a lovely film, and recommended if what I've said sounds like something you would like.

***SPOILER alert***
Some comments/wonderings re the movie that I want to note down before I forget (and whoever sees this movie can comment! But it'll really spoil the movie for you, I think more than other movies, because of the joy of discovering all these little details - so I really recommend you don't read this section):

1. Nanny McPhee said she would teach 5 lessons. What was the fifth lesson? It never got mentioned.
2. What was the voice that told the father about Nanny McPhee?
3. What was the point of her taking Sunday afternoons off, and how come she came back that Sunday afternoon when she was needed?
4. The bits where she would appear all of a sudden in front of the father and say, 'I did knock' when she obviously didn't. Then the parallel happened with Simon and her. I wonder if her 'knock' meant a knock on the ground with her cane! Coz that's how she appeared before Simon, and presumably how she got to the father's office all of a sudden without coming through the door.
5. I was so disgusted when Mrs. Quigley sat in the mother's red armchair! Felt sorry for the father too...
6. This I find intriguing: why did Nanny McPhee bow before the red armchair? The movie began with the red armchair, and it was such a prominent part of the movie, it was as if the mother was always there even though she wasn't physically present. There was also that scene where the children were wondering 'can mother see us from where she is?'. So maybe... the Nanny was a guardian angel, sent by the children's mother from heaven! If you've read down to here and you haven't seen the movie, I know that would have sounded bizarre. But for me, it completes the picture really well...

***end spoiler***

It's a movie that is simple in terms of plot, but with many subtle and delightful details. Let's put it at that. Whoever's seen it, please post and let me know what you thought!

Food...

2006-01-27T12:45:00.000+11:00

I'm eating too much here in Montreal... been buying stuff to eat whenever I feel the slightest hungry, buying snacks and putting them in my drawer (choc biscuits), eating lots when there's free food available (e.g. donuts) as though I have no food at home...

It's funny, for the last six months that I was in Australia I really lost a lot of my appetite... I just wasn't feeling hungry most of the time at all... now I seem to be happy to eat most of the time...
This is a strange theory but I know that since coming on exchange I've adopted an outlook of being more open to experiences... it's almost like that has extended to include eating... like, my mind has been altering the threshold of my experiences so that things I would not normally do in Melbourne (I lead a pretty closed life in Melbourne, although that has a large part to do with wanting to please my parents too) become enjoyable here, almost as a method of coping. I wonder though that that lowered threshold has made food seem more pleasurable than it had before, when I was in Melbourne, too.

I know that may sound kinda nuts to you guys. I guess having a fridge and cupboard full of things *I* like to eat (as opposed to at home, where I don't do most of the shopping) doesn't help either. But if anyone would like to venture any alternate theories, please do... just don't be too Freudian... ;-p

For mathematicians...

2006-01-24T04:38:00.000+11:00

A silly story only mathematicians (and friends of mathematicians) would get...

http://www.scottaaronson.com/writings/athletes.html

Thanks to Zillidot, aka Kashu, who posted it on our mathsnerds group site. ;-p

-------------------------

Can't believe time has passed so quickly though, especially the last year... was just glancing through my posts in the previous year, it seems that every month I click on reveals busy events and tangled webs of thoughts, that I wouldn't be able to recollect without the blog - I just look back and think, oh, wow, a year went by quickly, it was pretty uneventful... times like this I really hate my stupid memory, which can't remember anything except what I'm supposed to be doing in the next few days. Is this an adaptive feature for this phase of life, I wonder? Perhaps a child, more in need of learning from all their experiences, is able to relive them in their mind in all vividness, whereas I have reached the age of having lots to do, and planning for the future, that my mind has naturally become more geared for the future rather than the past? I have certainly felt that tendency throughout the last year, I was constantly thinking about future weeks, months, years... how my life would look after graduation... yet could not recall things I had done two days prior. It is similar now, I look forward to things this week, next week, to returning home and seeing Dave again, yet spend very little time thinking (being able to remember even) what I did a few days ago. It bothers me.

Awful news stories

2006-01-19T13:48:00.000+11:00

The Canadian newspaper seems to be filled with horrible stories, like pedestrians being run over by snow plows, or a guy who sexually assaulted his girlfriend's 2.5 yo son (causing a 2.5cm laceration requiring surgery), or a kid systematically abused by his grandparents until he died of starvation... http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Law/2006/01/16/1396703-cp.html

... :-(

Winter precipitation is fascinating

2006-01-18T13:32:00.000+11:00

(from http://www.wxdude.com/humidity.html)

"The type of winter precipitation we get depends on the temperature inside the clouds and the temperature between the clouds and the ground. In clouds that are cold enough for ice crystals to form, we can get snow. Those cold clouds aren’t hard to find. Even in the summer, most of our rain actually starts out high in the clouds as snow. But in winter, the temperature of the air is sometimes cold enough all the way from the clouds to the ground, so snowflakes don’t melt into raindrops. They stay in crystal form and we see snow pile up and schools close.

Sometimes there is a layer of above freezing air in the clouds, then closer to the ground the air temperature is once again below freezing. Snowflakes partially melt in the layer of warmer air, but then freeze again in the cold air near the ground. This kind of winter precipitation is called sleet. It bounces when it hits the ground. If snowflakes completely melt in the warmer air, but temperatures are below freezing near the ground, rain may freeze on contact with the ground or the streets. This is called freezing rain, and significant freezing rain is called an ice storm. Ice storms are extremely dangerous because the layer of ice on the streets can cause traffic accidents. Ice can also build up on tree branches and power lines, causing them to snap and our lights to go out. Hail forms in strong thunderstorms. These storms contain very strong updrafts, which are winds blowing up through the thunderstorm clouds. They can be as strong as one hundred miles per hour. Those strong updrafts suspend rain in mid-air with temperatures around the raindrop of below 32 degrees. Those cold temperatures allow the rain to freeze into small hailstones. As more freezing raindrops get caught in the updraft, they collide with the hailstones, adding layer after layer of ice. When hail becomes too heavy for the updrafts to keep it aloft, it falls to the ground. In strong updrafts, the hail has time to collect lots of ice, so the hail is bigger. In weak updrafts, the hail doesn’t have to get as big before it is able to fall to the ground. On rare occasions, the updrafts can be strong enough so the hailstones can grow larger than softballs!"

Well, currently Montreal has a freezing rain warning. I now realise what the pitter-patters are coming from the direction of my window, which puzzled me immensely before because when I went and investigated the noise seemed to be occurring without forming any raindrops!... now I know (I think) it's forming little ice particles on hitting the windows and then dropping off. And from the paragraph above, freezing rain particles are smaller than hail, which might explain why I can't see those either.

If anyone's interested in finding out about the weather in Montreal ( probably not many of you, but anyway), I have made this site my default browser page, so I can check it every time I turn on my computer, as the temperatures are so variable, varying like 10-15 degrees between two days. Come to think of it that doesn't actually make much of a difference to what I wear, hmm... but somehow I still like to know whether I'm stepping out into 0 degrees or minus 15... oh I guess it does matter, in terms of whether I take scarf, mittens etc... (I might put that site on the sidebar too, lol.)

People always say Canadians are obsessed about talking about weather. I'm starting to understand why!

I know whom I have believed

2006-01-16T10:51:00.000+11:00

Great song we sang at church today... I hadn't sung it before but liked it so much I came back and found it on the internet.

I KNOW WHOM I HAVE BELIEVED (click, and turn your sound on... but u have to fill in the words yourself - go on, it's not hard)

I know not why God’s wondrous grace
To me He hath made known,
Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
Redeemed me for His own.

Refrain
But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

I know not how this saving faith
To me He did impart,
Nor how believing in His Word
Wrought peace within my heart.

Refrain

I know not how the Spirit moves,
Convincing us of sin,
Revealing Jesus through the Word,
Creating faith in Him.

Refrain

I know not what of good or ill
May be reserved for me,
Of weary ways or golden days,
Before His face I see.

Refrain

I know not when my Lord may come,
At night or noonday fair,
Nor if I walk the vale with Him,
Or meet Him in the air.

Refrain

Church was really encouraging today. The songs almost bring tears to my eyes, because they always remind me of my separation from Dave, but also of God's love and protection. And the hope of Christ's return kind of reminds me of my hope to be reunited with Dave. This isn't surprising, because we are to strive in our earthly relationships for the kind of love we see in our relationship with our heavenly father. And I'm really glad God does bless Dave and I with such a special love and commitment to each other.

Afterwards there was a pizza lunch for university and 20-somethings, followed by a video presentation, number 4 of a series of talks on the Songs of Solomon. For those who aren't familiar with the Bible it's basically a celebration of love between Solomon and his betrothed, to many it reads like an erotic movie script but in fact paints a very realistic picture of their love, commitment, passion and restraint that God wants in human romantic/sexual relationships. The talk was fairly practical (actually, fairly explicitly practical, which provoked many episodes of embarrassed laughter, both from his audience and from the 20-odd of us who were there), but mainly focused on the speaker's interpretation of 'the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, the vineyards that are in bloom' (Song of Songs 2:15). The speaker described the little foxes as those things that destroy and prevent the ultimate and longterm enjoyment of a relationship/marriage, both emotionally and physically. He pointed out two things in particular that, in his opinion, amounted to these 'foxes', and they were:
i) unresolved conflict, where either one party (usu. the guy - hey he said that, not me ;-p) doesn't listen when the other raises a problem (he compared this with playing tennis with someone who doesn't hit the ball back), or where tempers flare and you don't end up sorting the issue out.
ii) premarital sex. Causes guilt, and robs you of a wonderful day of celebration and joyful anticipation when you finally do get married, as well as enjoying a God-blessed union.

Lola et poutine

2006-01-12T03:59:00.000+11:00

Got back a couple of hours ago from an International Students' movie night at McGill. The Quebecois movie they wanted to show originally didn't work (they couldn't get the English subtitles on b/c they didn't have the remote), so they showed this bizarre German movie instead. I guess it's a good movie, in that it's rather innovative and clever and 'different'... but it was weird... heart-pumping, captivating in a weird way, like you didn't want to be watching this but can't let your eyes off the screen.

It's called Lola Rennt in German, translated to Run Lola Run in English. Actually I recommend anyone reading this to watch it, coz it is *interesting*. The critics love it. They certainly have meat to chew on.

Which leads nicely onto... poutine. Can't find it in my dictionnaire so don't know if it's le or la, but yeah, it's a Quebecois thing. Funny how all regional specialties tend to be unhealthy, e.g. Beaver tails, fried Mars Bar (Scottish)... or maybe it's the infamous that get known... like the meat pie in Australia. Anyway, poutine was basically a dish of hot chips (i.e. thick fries) topped with gravy and cheese. Mmm... salty and saucy and cheesy and yummy. ;-p That was my dinner for today. And for dessert a few of us went to Nickel's, a sandwich bar and grill owned by Celine Dion, for some dessert. I shared a sundae with another girl, but Erik (German guy, doing PhD in Comp Sci) ordered a slice of chocolate cake which turned out to occupy and ENTIRE DINNER PLATE!! I kid you not, it was absolutely HUGE and his eyes (in fact, all our eyes) boggled when it arrived. It was about 4 times the size we expected. He tried valiantly to finish but after the conversation shifted to cholesterol and arterial plaques he only ended up eating half (actually, he probably wouldn't have been able to eat more even if it weren't for the plaque talk), and took the other half home. I took a photo... but as usual am too lazy to post it up right now. Technology is so cumbersome.

My mood's been going up and down. I think I don't really enjoy being in my apartment, and in my room... which is claustrophobically small. I studied at the bookshop today (isn't it great? there's a cafe in the McGill bookshop with tables and you can just bring books from the shop to read there. It's a huge bookshop by the way - 4 levels, with a computer store attached) after class and before the movie and was really quite comfortable there and got quite a bit done. I think at Solin here I spend a lot of time wandering around, getting distracted by little things, looking for food to munch, and electrocuting myself on the light switch, door handle, computer, ...

So yeah. Yesterday wasn't a great day but I'd call today a good day again. Turns out this Australian guy in my French classes (well, plural as of today) who's from Brisbane is also a Christian - I'm always really happy to discover Christians - it's like they said at St Jude's, it's like discovering a new member of your family. Speaking of which, on Monday I discovered two Christian too. Maybe that plays a big rold in making my days good/bad.

Bedtime.

Ariel Sharon

2006-01-09T16:22:00.000+11:00

Anyone interested in the story of Sharon's stroke, here is a... umm... gloomy medical view, from a gloomy medical commentator.

http://doctornos.blogspot.com/2006/01/sharon.html

With regard to my life though, I had quite a good day today. Church was really good, loved the hymns and the teaching was really good too, and afterwards went to have coffee and lunch at Tim Horton's with a few pple, and it was nice hanging out with them. Saw a few (very) cute babies. Church is advertising a marriage seminar, $25 per couple. Might go along to the 20-somethings Bible study on Thursday night, think it'll be good for me. Next Sunday after the service there's also a lunch for 20-somethings, along with a video presentation about love, sex and the songs of Solomon.

Not looking forward to climbing the big hill tomorrow to get to philosophy lecture though. But am looking forward to orchestra rehearsal. The McGill head of strings finally replied too, but if I enjoy the doctor's one I'll stick with them and not audition for the McGill Symphony. I've become less bold, too, about it... maybe coz haven't been playing that much violin... and without Dave's encouragement, I feel kinda crap again...

Sex slaves for science?

2006-01-08T12:25:00.000+11:00

Just read a rather thought-provoking article I'd like to share:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20060107.wxcentre07/BNStory/specialScienceandHealth/

Pls post your comments...

Long-winded Latin sentence

2006-01-08T09:12:00.000+11:00

In Intermediate Latin this semester we are studying Cicero's Oration on behalf of Archia the Poet (Pro Archia Poeta Oratio). Cicero was a great statesman, defence lawyer and orator. One can understand why when he comes up with sentences like this to begin his speech:

"If there is any natural ability in me, judges, which I realize how slight it may be, or if I have any experience in speaking, which I do not deny I have been engaged in somewhat, or if I have any strategy for this case before us derived from study and training in the best arts, which I do confess that no time of my life was averse to, this man A. Licinius first and foremost ought to seek back from me a benefit from all these things nearly by his own right."

Go figure...

But Latin is fun.

Tired

2006-01-07T09:06:00.000+11:00

I guess I'm trying to occupy myself with stuff atm, going to hockey game tonight (played by McGill Redmens) even though I'm pretty tired. I'm still not sleeping that well. Because of all these activities (and I'm going to more classes than I need to, due to not having fully decided yet), and the time taken up by cooking, shopping etc... there's not been a lot of time to just take in and reflect on things... I don't know if I can explain it properly, but everything that goes through my mind at the moment are more like reactions to things rather than proper reflections, analyses. I guess, maybe, because everything still seems new. I'm getting used to it though... including the winter, though I was cold again this morning (and boiling last night, in the same room!)... it's a pretty fast-moving city though... anyway I'm not making sense again... I suppose my mind is not doing a great job making sense of a lot of things, it's just going with the flow...

I got into the French intensive (2 subjects worth). We had do do a little essay in class today, just to see our level, and when the teacher read mine he was like, 'oh, you're really good, you're better than most of the other students'. It kind of scares me when I hear stuff like that, especially when the other students can chat and respond spontaneously in French to each other and I have to think ages before I say anything. With regards to writing, I am good at grammar, hence I probably make a lot fewer grammatical errors, and also I write my way around things so I can use the structures I know, but even so I don't know any complicated structures, so my essay today read like 'I would like to introduce you to my French teacher at high school. He came from France, specifically, from Brittany. He is quite tall and thin, with short grey hair and a small moustache.' I tried telling the teacher that I am not really good at oral, but he would have none of it - I don't understand why he insists on thinking I'm better than I am - but at least he was happy to give me permission to enrol in the class.

Which means I have to drop either the Discover Quebec class or the Oral and Listening class - well I don't have to but everyone thinks doing 4 French subjects is crazy - I don't really know why, I think I'd have to do a lot more work for philosophy than for French... so far we've had like no work for French... but anyway. I'm leaning towards dropping the oral and listening class, because it has stupid tasks like working in groups to make a 20min DVD which is worth 20% of the final mark. I feel hesitant about dropping it because an oral and listening class sounded like just what I really needed, and this lecturer, she keeps emphasising that the students who weren't in her class last semester are probably going to do worse than the ones who were (from her past experience), in contrast to the other French teacher... so I don't know whether that means I'm going to learn a lot, or to deduce that her classes are kinda eclectic. I want to improve my oral and listening, but I don't really want to make a 20min DVD. One might argue that I could just try to listen to French TV and news more, and borrow French tapes and things...

Let's have a vote - who says I should do 4 French subjects, and who says I should do 3 and drop the oral and listening?
If I do 3, my other subjects will be Intermediate Latin (which isn't too hard grammar-wise but will require memory of vocabulary - I dunno why I'm doing Medicine when my memory is, like, the worst aspect of my brain functions!) and Ethics - it looks really challenging... um... hard. I have barely heard of any of the ideas in the course before, coz it's like, contemporary moral THEORY.

L'école a commencé

2006-01-06T11:11:00.000+11:00

Bonjour à tous de Montréal! Les classes à l'université viennent de commencer mardi, donc mes courtes vacances ont terminé. Mais bien sûr, comme on est en échange, on pense comme on est en vacances. Parfois.

Je me sens que je commence à m’habituer à Montréal, et à l’université McGill. Il y a quelques différences que j’ai vu – les étudiants ici me semblent plus travailleurs et sérieux de ses études que ceux en Australie, au moins à Melbourne. On toujours nous fait rappeler que l’université est la meilleure au Canada, la plus difficile à entrer, que les étudiants ici (c’est-à-dire, ‘nous’) sont intelligents, travailleurs, oui, les ‘choisis’. Donc, ça l’explique, peut-être. Je dois dire que (comme Dave m’a rappelé) cela a du bon aussi, c’est-à-dire j’ai trouvé aussi que beaucoup de gens sont plutôt enthousiastes de leurs études, et la plupart en sont assez amicales.

Néanmoins, dès que maintenant j’ai fait connaissance principalement aux étudiants en exchange. Il y en a plusieurs aussi de l’Australie. Une fille qui s’appelle Molly est assez gentille, aussi de Melbourne. Elle a de la chance de vivre avec des autres étudiants en échange près de l’université. Un de ces étudiants est aussi nouveau ce semestre, donc nous trois sont tous ‘dans le même bateau’ comme on dit en anglais. Il s’appelle Magnus et il est un très grand mais ‘soft-spoken’ [my dictionary translates this into ‘has a sweet voice’, donc, je ne l'utilise pas] Norvège qui malheureusement a le mal du pays… il ne peut pas dormir, il ne peut manger beaucoup... pauvre garçon, je peut le comprendre, donc j’espère qu’il récuperera bientôt.

Eh bien, je commence à avoir le mal à la tête à cause d’écrire en français! Mais j’aime beaucoup mes classes sur le français, les éleves sont tous très motivés, qui sert à me motiver. Mais pour le moment, j’en avais assez.

It snowed through the day today, which meant it was quite warm, around 0. The air outside was full of falling flakes of snow when I opened my curtains this morning, causing the dual reaction of ‘wow, it’s so beautiful!’ and ‘oh no, I’ve got to walk in the middle of this to get to the metro station!’ Both were justified – on my walk to the station (only 150-200m) I got quite covered with snowflakes (and they weren’t just little powdery, dandruffy things that feel like rain when they land on you, they were full-fledged, big flakes that stayed on my coat until I shook them off inside. Unfortunately because the wind was blowing in my face, I couldn’t really enjoy the scenery much, for as soon as I looked up, the flakes of snow begin landing on my face, and because the air is so dense with them, squeeze their way between the bridge of my nose and my glasses, ending up stuck there or into my eyes from above!... sounds quite cute, and to be honest I didn’t mind that much, as the air itself wasn’t that cold… it was much nicer to turn and look behind me though, that was quite a beautiful sight.

Anyway, that’s long enough for one day. I’m still finding cooking annoying, just a simple stir-fry eats up (ha, ha) like an hour of my time, for some reason. No, it’s not your phone calls, Dave, that make me go to bed late, it’s the cooking… tomorrow night the Christian group on campus (McGill Christian Fellowship) has their first bi-monthly meeting of the year, but it clashes with an ice hockey game the McGill team is in, and which we got given free tickets to during the new students’ welcome! I really want to get involved with the Christian group, and meet some Christians especially before church on Sunday (I think I’ll go try People’s), but I’ve never seen an ice hockey game, and it’s a free one, and McGill is playing, and other exchange students are also going... I’ve been told I need to see a hockey game while I’m here, and this seems a really good opportunity to do so. However I am making a note to self that I will definitely go to the next MCF meeting (unless there’s some REALLY good reason, i.e. better than hockey game) and will try to meet some students at church on Sunday!

Found out there’s a doctor’s orchestra at McGill, kinda like Corpus Medicum. I filled out the online form and the guy in charge (a professor in pharmacology at McGill) wrote back and told me to go along on Monday, yay! Rehearsal’s every Monday night, 7-10. 10’s a bit late, but I’ll try to find a lift home. :-) I’m happy it’s not on Fridays, coz that’s when the MCF meetings are.

Dave's gone... :-(

2006-01-02T00:10:00.000+11:00

Dear Dave,

You might wonder why I'm writing you this letter when I should be snoozing in bed. I just got home, about 20 minutes ago. Computer lab is locked so I can't check People's Church hours. But yeah, I guess I want to write about some of the things I'm feeling at the moment, raw emotions and thoughts. I was going to handwrite but thinking about it again, it seems too slow to be able to convey my thoughts quickly. Emailing, because faster, allows one to write more. Also, given the high cost of a stamp, I would almost feel unwilling to seal a letter in the possibility that I'll think of some more to write before I find a post box.

Clearly, the basic reason of this letter/email is that I'm missing you heaps. Already. Already I felt almost like crying when I watched you get on the bus and waved to you from inside the station, prevented from joining you. The path from Lionel-Groulx to Solin was twice as treacherous without you to hold onto, and three times I felt myself slipping unsteadily on the ice. How I miss having you by my side! It was the worst coming back to the apartment, opening the door, knowing, but semi-wondering, and then finding, that you weren't inside. The kitchen, the table were all just as we'd left it, rushing out the door an hour prior. It had only been a blink of an eye. The cereal box was on the counter with the bread, my bowl was there with the half-eaten toast. My eyes took in the empty living room with an emptiness in my heart as I picked up and finished the glass of orange juice, my mouth being where yours had been so recently.

Only one hour ago. Only one hour ago you boarded the bus, and I gave you my last hug and my last wave, and had my last sight of you, a silhouette in the dark bus. Perhaps I ought to have come to the airport, screw the twenty-five dollars. Probably not (my rational mind still interposes itself). But I would have seen you for a bit longer, and got back to the apartment later, the apartment that wouldn't have been still warm from your presence, the apartment that we set up together. It seems semi-confused that you are gone – dammit, I need another tissue – and is almost as if it is waiting for you to get back… from shopping, perhaps? From buying a USB card? Or maybe the one who's really confused and waiting is me…

This is what lack of sleep does to me, you see. It traps me within my emotions. If you'd gone later in the morning, or better still in the afternoon, I would have come back and found other stuff to do. But because I'm lacking in sleep and unmotivated, I am left only to feel… even now I am dreading going back to the kitchen, for fear of these reminders of you, or more precisely, of your absence. What of sleep? Would the bed be still warm with your scent?

Oh, Dave. I wish you could read this at the airport, before your mind recovers and you become accustomed to life back in Melbourne – is that cruel for me to say? It's only so you can understand – as I know you do at this moment though you are not here to comfort me from my tears – understand and perhaps share my emotions. Yet my internet is not yet connected – I will take my computer to someone else's room, perhaps, and see if someone can help me send this to you before you board the flight in New York. And later, I will post a version (with only mild editings) of this on Blogger because nothing can convey my feelings at this moment better than this letter.

There is no one in Montreal that I can talk to, share my feelings with. Montreal felt like home while you were here – now it is but a cold and lonely city. I know things will improve for me, but right now, there is nothing better I want than to have you back in my arms, to hold you again…

I love you, Dave – this you know well.

Sally

P.S. Am going to go back to sleep and await your phone call. It's kind of funny, the prospect I'm dreading the most is going back to the kitchen and finishing my breakfast. Should I confront my fears now or wait until I've had a nap?

P.P.S. Remember our prayers from last night.

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10:55 pm:

Please pray for Dave:

- that he'll get enough rest on the plane
- that he'll return to Melbourne safely
- that he'll get his luggage back without too much hassle (United lost a piece of his luggage)

Please pray for me:

- that I'll be able to meet and get to know people and feel less lonely, and find some Christians here at Solin
- that I'll be able to do French at uni
- that I'll be able to sort out cellphone stuff tomorrow
- that I'll keep warm

Am going to miss Dave sooooo much tonight... ohhh.... :-(

Messages to Oz

2006-01-01T14:50:00.000+11:00

Hey everyone,

This isn't going to be a long email because it's 10:50pm and Dave is upstairs cooking dinner and I promised him I wouldn't be long... but just thought I'd email you all (congratulations! you all made it onto Sally's Canada mailing list. If you wish to be removed from it, please reply with Remove in the subject line. If there's someone I've missed who wants to be on this list, please also let me know) to say Happy New Year and hope you're all enjoying yourselves for the holidays. As for me I'm enjoying what's left of it, with uni about to start on the 3rd of Jan. [cue for you to point finger and laugh.] What's worse is that Dave is leaving on the morning of the 1st... :-( :-( so yeah... I won't be in the best shape for new year's day for a number of reasons.

We're home (home being Solin Hall) so late because we went to see the new Harry Potter movie in downtown Montreal. For those who haven't seen it, I won't spoil it, except to say that it's a tad scarier than the last few movies. I must say I preferred the third one (which I saw only last week), tho I admit that may be because Hermione had a bigger role. ;-p I'm gradually getting used to the city - its quite cosmopolitan, and especially downtown, quite bilingual, almost American. People will talk to you in either French or English, usually both, just to make sure you understand. I guess it's nice, and some find it exciting and charming, but sometimes it gives you a feeling that the city has a bit of an identity crisis. It's almost like it's being pulled in two directions by America just across the border and by the rest of Quebec, which is quite French. We were in Quebec city for a couple of days this week, and it was much more French. Creperies all over the place, and very European style cobblestone streets. For those who don't know, the inner part of Quebec city (the old part) is still enclosed by walls, and the entire walled city is UN heritage-listed! Definitely worth a visit if anyone is ever up around here. Although most people in restaurants and shops could speak English, due to it being a tourist town, it had a much more traditional 'Frenchy' feel, and we met one guy who worked in the ice skating rink who couldn't speak English, and I was trying to ask him what a particular sign meant... it may not be as convenient as in Montreal, but somehow it seemed more rewarding, more satisfying, when finally both parties could understand each other. It felt that the extra effort put in by both parties was worth it.

Hmm... I REALLY should go, even though there's so much I could write. I've done much wading through bureaucracy just to set up bank account, phone plan and library card, etc, and my internet's still not connected. Really makes me appreciate what I have back home, how easily things can be done in one's home town. I must say it was worth the trouble getting a library card at Montreal's Grande Bibliotheque - it's really Grande, has four floors - now I know what I can do when I get bored! (Laugh if you must, but just to ease my way into French-book-reading, I borrowed a French version of the first book in the Baby-Sitters Club series! Haven't read any of those since I was about 10-11!... lol)

Hmm... Dave's just come down and says dinner is very cold. I'd better go before I annoy him further! :-) I'm going to miss him heaps... :-(
Would love to hear from any/all of you - to keep in touch while I'm over here! Let me know how you're going and ask if you want to know anything I haven't mentioned. :-)

All the best,

Sally

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Haven't found a church to settle into yet, because last Sunday was Christmas day and we were in Ottawa (visited a church there it was quite nice). The Sunday before, we went to a Baptist church near here, but there weren't a lot of students there, so this Sunday (the 1st) or the next I'm going to try People's Church right near McGill Uni which someone recommended to me. I have to take the metro for four stations to get there but I bought a monthly pass so it's alright.

It's pretty cold in Canada - yesterday the max was -1, quite nice, but today it's -10! Outside atm, according to the weather station online, it's -14 and supposed to feel like -24 with the wind!! Luckily I'm inside, so all is well. Tho have to go out for grocery shopping soon... grocery shopping is so annoying... milk and OJ always running out.....

Yes, must learn to be independent huh? lol...

-----------------------

So far, things I've noticed which are different which I don't like include:
- not knowing exactly how much you have to pay before you order (taxes. and sometimes, when trying to compare things, not being sure what has taxes included and what doesn't.)
- tipping. :-( randomly guessing how much to tip the bellman for keeping a bag there for an afternoon.
- cellphone companies. Can't understand why most of the plans make you pay when someone else calls you. and having to pay extra for voicemail, and *caller ID*?!? (so, i currently have a plan which is $25 a month but i pay about $36 a month, with no voicemail and caller id. ;-p)

But it's all part of the experience of living in a different culture, I suppose!

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-26T13:10:00.000+11:00

I haven't updated in aaaaages... but first of all merry Christmas to all you readers, Christmas, a time to thank God for all his blessings (including his son Jesus Christ to take away our sins and restore our relationship with him), and may God bless you all for the coming year!

Spending Christmas in Ottawa atm with Dave's aunt's family. To tell you the truth, I'm a bit travelled-out, and have been kind of tired for the last few days. I guess I feel a little more settled in in Montreal now, having gotten a public transport card, library card and bank account. A lot of these simple things which we take for granted at home are so much harder to get in a foreign city. For example, a simple library card - they needed a proof of residence, but unfortunately didn't accept the lease I'd brought. So I had to go back and ask the Solin coordinator to write me a formal letter to bring back. It was worth it though - la Grande Bibliotheque de Quebec is HUGE, and if anyone knows what I'm like around books... let's just say I had my decision-making work cut out for me deciding what books to take out and what to leave behind. I'm also becoming slightly more confident with French and managed to get my library membership using French, but shirked the idea of speaking in French to the intimidating bank employees.

gtg -

Goose:geese = Moose:meese?

2005-12-16T23:28:00.000+11:00

Arrived in Montreal this evening (it's 11:30pm now) and staying at Solin Hall, the McGill residence I'll be at for the next 5 months. I get my own room in what's kinda like a small 3-bedroom apartment, and the kitchen area is shared by the three occupants. I have to say the room is smaller than I expected, definitely smaller than college rooms in Australia, and basically when I walked in there was just a narrow bed with a bare mattress (with some stains on it) against one wall, a table about 50cm away against the opposite wall, and a small closet. Went and bought some sheets and pillow so it looks a teeny bit better now, though is still small.

I can't believe I didn't update Blogger in all my days in New York, which were quite exciting! Everything is HUGE there - from buildings to servings of food. We went to the Museum of Natural History on the second day, expecting to take half a day there and go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in the afternoon, but we ended up staying 6 hours from when we got there (11:30) to when it closed. It was really amazing, with amazing lifelike displays of American, Asian and African animals. There'd be stuffed animals in the front of each showcase in their natural habitat (all extremely lifelike), and a painting in the background, with really intricate detail. And there'd be like 50-60 of these showcases in each of the galleries. My favourites were the polar bear and moose (meese!), which has now become my favourite animal! (It has such a cute nose ;-p). Uncle drove us around Times Square that evening, which was very glittery and busy, flashing billboards everywhere. (Funny, I always used to think it was just a square, but it's actually not that at all, just a big intersection.) We saw a play on Broadway called Doubt, which won this year's Pulitzer prize.

The next few days we kind of alternated between resting and going places near Uncle's place, and going out to New York (we'd visited Princeton University just to walk around and take photos on the first day). We took the free ferry to Staten Island which gave us great views (and photos) of the Statue of Liberty, walked around Central Park (unfortunately, not much to see as everything covered with snow), had a look at the World Trade Centre site (it's a bit of a construction site atm, they're going to build a museum there - and it wasn't as peaceful and moving as I'd thought , surrounded by the hustle and bustle of the city, but the timeline did bring some vivid images), and did eventually also go to the Metropolitan museum of art (again, huge, with a fabulous European collection - my favourite painter is now Raphael ;-p). We also got to see the Lion King musical on Broadway (thanks to uncle's generosity)!! - an absolutely amazing experience that I don't think I'll have again for quite awhile. The actors and the atmosphere were just wonderful, the lifesize animal puppets (controlled by actors behind/in/on/under them) were just fantastic and it really felt like they were moving and speaking rather than the actor. The large proportion of African-American actors also made it seem very real (compared to for example if we were to see it in Australia), as if really set in Africa.

The last three days we spent in Toronto, at the Canadiana backpackers inn, in downtown. The difference between Canadians and New Yorkers is immediately obvious - the former are much friendlier. Noticing the difference has also made me appreciate much more what we have in Australia. Stef spent a couple of days with us taking us around, but we (well, I) was a bit sick of museums by that stage so we just wandered around malls, where I bought a pair of boots for walking in the snow, and very timely too, as it started blizzarding two days later; went to CN tower, the tallest in the world, and got scared by the glass floor high high up where you could see the ground far, far away beneath your feet (photos later, if nagged). We also visited Casa Loma, a castle this rich businessman once built for his family until he lost his money and the castle got claimed by the council, and now it's like a museum/tourist attraction. It was quite cold in Toronto though, about -5 most days which isn't that bad but the windchill was quite bad, so we could hardly walk outside for long. Added onto that I had a bit of a cough which began the last day in NY and is still continuing (though much better now) so we spent quite a bit of time inside, in the shopping centre and in the evenings in the backpacker's, using free internet. ;-p When we were in the shopping centre it almost felt like being home in Australia again - I think Toronto has a very similar pace of life to Melbourne, and also a similar attitude to life. The high prevalence of Asians, which was not the case in NYC, probably also contributed to that impression.

Should go sleep now - Montreal had a big snowstorm today as well, TONS of snow everywhere (41cm, according to taxi driver), although it doesn't seem that cold, due to lack of wind and snow blowing into face, like in Toronto. First impression of people is not quite as friendly as Toronto, but I'll see how things go in the next few days...

New Jersey!

2005-12-05T08:13:00.000+11:00

Arrived at JFK airport in New York last night, drove for 45 min, past this huge huge bridge to North Brunswick, New Jersey, where my cousins live. They're really nice, probably a tad more relaxed than my parents ;-p because of their better English (Uncle majored in comparative literature and aunt in English) and thus better integration into American culture. Their house is really nice too, and it's funny looking down the street, coz all the houses are *almost* exactly the same, with just a few differences in terms of the arrangements of shapes! ;-p It snowed before we arrived and again a little during the night, so all the roofs and the ground (except street, footpath and driveways) are covered with a thin layer of snow. The woods across the road also have snow on the bare branches of the trees, altogether making a lovely picture, 'out of a fairytale' as Dave put it. :-)

My cousin recently completed her college examinations and SAT. Now she has to apply for colleges - quite a complicated process it seems. They take so much into account - extracurricular activities, sport, music... even race! Apparently, my cousin will be disadvantaged due to being Asian... Dave and I thought it was rather discriminatory but it seems my cousin's family have come to terms with the system. It's more that each uni sets a specific percentage of intake of each race, e.g. they said Princeton takes about 12% Asians, Harvard 15%, etc... but the result is that Asians who do better may miss out while students of other races with a not-so-good mark may get in. I still think it's an example of discriminating on the basis of race. Comments?

Goodbye, Melbourne

2005-12-03T18:49:00.000+11:00

The eve of my departure has arrived. I haven't blogged very much in the last few weeks, I know, but a lot has happened. Clearly, I have made my decision to go to Canada on exchange. I have bought tickets, changed travellers cheques, bought thermals, gloves and a fleece, and almost finished packing. Dave has graduated - I have celebrated his end of exams and his graduation. Today was his graduation ceremony. Tomorrow, we travel to the other side of the world.

Canada, here we come! Or more precisely I should say North America, as Dave will probably be spending almost as much time in the US as in Canada. Planning to stay with an uncle in New York for awhile, whom I hadn't seen since the age of 3 months. It will be nice to visit the Big Apple, see museums, visit Central Park, take a ferry past the Statue of Liberty. We will be greeted by the frosty cold of winter, maybe snowstorms... many new experiences await. Hopefully, I'll get to learn more French. I'll hopefully learn to cook. But I will be without family and friends that have surrounded me over the years, I will be without Dave for 5 months... though I know that I will never be without God, and I'm sure that will be a comfort to me in difficult times...

It's time to say goodbye to Melbourne - it hasn't really sunk in yet... I don't really feel that tonight will be the last night in my comfy, warm bed for the next 6 months. Or that I won't see my room, or sit at my desk, studying or (more likely) looking out the window into the backyard, for that much time as well. I will hopefully still be able to keep in touch with friends (through MSN, or Skype - it will be like talking on the phone...) But yeah, there will definitely be big differences, which I haven't yet really come to appreciate. I've been told the weather will be colder than I have imagine... likewise I'm sure there'll be other things I won't know or realise until I experience them. Through everything, I can have confidence that God will keep me safe!

Better go now, more packing to do. Will keep updating, next time probably from North America!

Psalm 6

2005-11-18T11:48:00.000+11:00

For the director of music. With stringed instruments. According to sheminith.
A psalm of David.

1O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
2 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.
3 My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?
4 Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
5 No one remembers you when he is dead.
Who praises you from the grave?
6 I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.
7 My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.
8 Away from me, all you who do evil,
for the LORD has heard my weeping.
9 The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.
10 All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed;
they will turn back in sudden disgrace.

The foe of all Christians is the devil, who seeks to engineer anger and dissent, pain and misunderstanding, in the midst of happiness and beautiful joys.
But praise be to our Lord Jesus Christ, who ministers to us in our needs, heals our wounds and gives us the hope of new life, where our foe and the havoc he wreaks shall be no more.

Intelligent Design

2005-11-08T22:28:00.000+11:00

This week my job is to write a 2000 word essay on the topic
'The Intelligent Design hypothesis is a testable scientific theory and thus should be taught in secondary schools along with Darwinian Natural Selection. After all, both are evolutionary theories.'

I've been doing lots of reading and stuff so far, including a 21-page document by one of ID's proponents, William Dembski. He's got quite some credentials, including PhDs in mathematics and philosophy. The fact that he's a mathematician also elicits some sympathy from me, I must admit, misunderstood lot that mathematicians are.

It's hard to know where to stand, though, amidst the criticism that is thrown at him from all sides. It's hard to untangle the mess of scientific, metaphysical, theological and philosophical opposition that has all been mish-mashed together in the sometimes quite vitriolic attacks on Intelligent Design. This, too, elicits sympathy, as it's almost like the scientific community isn't even giving ID a chance to speak, knocking down its claims of being a science as soon as they are made.

On the other hand, the ID proponents really have not put a lot of scientific detail on the table. What they have mainly provided have been outlines of scientific arguments or programmes, and reasoning that is more philosophical than scientific. I think Dembski has made mathematical/statistical arguments in his books (which I can't get hold of) that have in general been better received by mathematicians and statisticians than biologists. I wonder if the biologists resent him intruding into their domain?

I guess the guts of the topic is on the idea of a testable scientific theory. This involves teasing out the individual claims and assumptions that ID makes, under its banner that 'intelligent causation is an irreducible feature of the bio-physical universe, and furthermore that intelligent causation is empirically detectable.' (The Explanatory Filter) Dembski argues that ID is 'eminently testable', by virtue of the application of the statistically recognised concept of specified complexity. The idea is that you can measure the level of a specified complexity in a biological object, and if it is found to be present, then the object is concluded to be designed. However, even given that you can objectively measure such a thing, it still remains to be shown that specified complexity implies design. Dembski tries to argue this by using what he calls the Explanatory Filter (see link above). He says that if something cannot be explained by law, or by chance, then it must be due to design. I haven't quite finished reading that article yet.

An example ID proponents give for an intelligently designed object is an object that exhibits what Behe calls irreducible complexity. Such an object consists of many parts which are all interdependent and required for the function of the object (like the parts of a mousetrap). Behe, a biochemist, applies this particularly to cellular mechanisms, like the phenomenon of cellular partitioning and the bacterial flagellum. These would not function if you removed constituent parts. Yet, it is inconceivable how all the parts could have come together at exactly the same time to form the mechanism in question. Even if all the parts gradually evolved, their precise assembly still cannot be explained by naturalistic means alone.

I wonder though, if this doesn't just sound like a dressed-up version of just saying 'certain processes are too complicated to be due to nature, they must have been designed'. It seems to be based on intuition rather than on concrete evidence. He may well be right (that they're too complicated to have been designed), but because it's not based on solid evidence it's easy for someone else to come along and say 'well, no, my intuition is that it's more likely that they were due to nature than they were designed', and lo and behold, a controversy erupts.

Quote of the day

2005-11-03T23:29:00.000+11:00

David Chan: 'My mind is all path. [pathology] at the moment and girls. Quite sad really how much one's faculties can degenerate.'

Troubles

2005-11-03T11:56:00.000+11:00

Having some communication problems with Dave. Stayed up until 2:30am talking on the phone, this morning rather drowsy yet head is too unsettled to take a nap. Not the best thing when I still have 800+ words to write for an essay due tomorrow, and my rate for the last few days is about 400 words per day.

So yeah, I don't really want to think about essay, I don't really want to think about Dave, but I know that I'm going to have to (especially the essay [sardonic smile]. But that's probably the easy part.)

Sometimes I wish life wasn't so complicated. Though it's no use wishing, of course. :-) I am reminded of St. Paul who said 'But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.' (1 Cor 7:28) Obviously, Dave and I aren't married, but I think the principle behind the verse applies. St. Paul was talking about the troubles that arise when you entrust your heart to another human being. Tis not an easy road.

Swotvac Blues

2005-11-02T11:15:00.000+11:00

It's swotvac, and I'm stuck at home writing my essays. Currently I'm working on one on shellshock (part of my history of psychiatry subject) - it's interesting, but all interesting 2000 word essays get tedious after awhile.

I think I always rather enjoy writing the introduction, but the tedium sets in around the guts of the essay, when the filling of the detail comes in. And it's not very fun when it's the only thing you have to look forward to, the completion of the essay and the beginning of the next one, when you get up in the morning.

So I've been filling up some of my time playing Starcraft. Escapism from the essay and other stressors, I suppose. Quite bad for my eyes, and draining of time and brain energy too. I'm starting to understand why people call computer games 'mindless' - I used to think that people who did that were silly people who never played computer games themselves, but thinking about it, it's mindless in the sense that your mind gets drawn into the computer game and 'lost' to the real world - it is absent, goes missing for the hour or so that you are playing.

Anyway, this blog entry is getting a bit mindless itself. Though I could write lots more. You know, I was thinking this last night - sometimes I wish I could write blog entries anonymously - there are things I am thinking that I would like to write and people to read, but don't want people who know me to read them. Does anyone else ever feel like that? I suppose it's not really possible to have a blog that NOBODY who knows you knows about, coz then who would read them? I guess maybe that's why people write novels, hmm... but I don't think I could ever write a novel, I can't stay for that long out of the real world.

Anyway, end of rant. My brain feels strangely empty, as you can probably tell from my style of writing... it's stumbling over sentences and struggling with words... not good for essay-writing time, that's for sure.

AMus today

2005-10-21T23:13:00.000+10:00

Had AMus violin exam today... soooo scared... mostly of forgetting Bach. Was so nervous when playing that I had to force my mind to be empty and not think of anything except the next few notes... and after each piece my mouth was so dry I had to take a few gulps from my bottle.

My hyperalert, not-thinking-about-anything state worked mostly, though. No major stuffups in the pieces, Bach went okay although I couldn't bear to have my eyes open for more than a few seconds at a time, so I played most of that with my eyes closed lol, and with absolutely no thought... just ploughing on and on. There was no sight-reading, which I was mildly surprised at, and general knowledge was fine barring the first question, which was 'describe the development of the violin' which was pretty much the only area I hadn't studied up on!

What was funny was what happened afterwards. Dave and I leave the AMEB centre, get in the car and are about to drive off when one of the examiners comes running down the street accompanied by the receptionist. He asks for Dave's address and phone number, saying that he needs a good accompanist for his students! He turns out to be Julian Quirrit, one of the best violin teachers in Melbourne - so that was like, wow, very cool. :-) (Go Dave!) I'm sure Dave will do a fantastic job (if he has the time!) - I only wonder if he knows how many hours Dave and I have rehearsed together for this exam! Anyway, to continue the story, while Dave was writing down his number for him I jokingly said, 'oh, he'll only be your accompanist if I passed.' To which he replied, 'oh, of course you passed.' Which was a great relief! He went on to tell me that I needed a better violin, etc... so I don't think the passing AMus thing has really sunk in yet. I don't suppose it will until I get the comments back. I mean, I guess I won't know for SURE until then, even though I can be happy in the meantime.

Praise the Lord and thanks to everyone who has been praying for me. =) - YN, Sandy, David, Beth, Dave(?) and anyone else... keep praying that I'll use the abilities God has given me for His glory, yeah? =)

Essays

2005-10-08T23:17:00.000+10:00

Yeah, I know I haven't updated for awhile, sorry guys!...

Lots is going on which I've been busy with... well, actually, which I have been prevented from being busy with because of this essay I have due on Monday. It's about Darwinian natural selection, and the Christian Darwinians that tried to reconcile it with Christian theology back in the 19th century. It's an interesting topic, but it's terribly tedious ploughing through stuff written in the 19th century - it's a trial just trying to understand their arguments! And then all the modern writers have such different views themselves... now, history may be interesting to read, but a historian I could never be...

Hmm... maybe I should try keeping my blog entries short and sweet, eh? Nothing really new is happening. Planning to have a recital on Wednesday night to prepare for exam Friday week (21/10). Please let me know if you're interested in coming along!

It's quite stressful being an Arts student towards the end of the semester. Just figured out why it felt like I was doing no work for most of the semester - I was doing no work! So far, including this essay, I've only had to write 4000 words in essays, in 10 weeks. But in the next 6 weeks, will have 2000+2000+1250=5250 words to write! Plus trying to learn 800 lines of Latin. Hmm... goodbye to those early slack days of the semester!... feels a bit like VCE all over again...

Oh, and thanks to those people who wished me well during my sickness... I am mostly better now, yay! (Tho as I type this, I descend into another coughing spasm). Hope you're getting better, too , Vincy!

Grumpy patient

2005-09-29T12:35:00.000+10:00

I can't believe my nose can make clear fluid so fast... I can't even take my hands off my tissues for a minute before I need them again... and my eyes too... argh... driving me crazy. I don't know why it suddenly got so bad... it wasn't like this half an hour ago...

Half an hour ago being when I actually intended to come online and write a blog. When I'd just gotten off the phone with Dave, and screamed at my sister. But anyway, here I finally am. This blog won't really be worth reading anyway...

I'm so frustrated at being sick. Mainly because I just can't do anything. I can't read, I can't study, I can't play violin, I can't talk, I can't look at computer screen for too long, all I can do is sit there and stare into space... and think about all the things I'm grumpy about. I am too sick to do anything useful, but not sick enough as to not care that I can't do anything.
I don't mind listening to people talk tho... e.g. was talking to Dave earlier... but I don't think he enjoyed talking to someone who couldn't talk back... sigh... can't blame him I guess, can't expect him to make all the effort... it's not like I've got terminal cancer or something...
If there's someone who would enjoy it tho, and is good at cheering grumpy patients up, please give me a call - I'd love to hear from you. It's about the only thing I can do at the moment, other than sitting there staring into space. Or communicating with my dysfunctional, communication-challenged family.

On a completely different topic, I got letter saying I've been awarded a Melbourne Exchange scholarship! $2500... so, basically an airplane ticket, if I decide to go. Yay...

Better go. Being nagged to go have lunch.

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Added at 1:32pm:

Just reflecting on why sick people often feel socially isolated (like I do atm)... perhaps it's the feeling that they can't be of any use to other people that stops them from reaching out and seeking company, e.g. by ringing other people up. Like me atm, I feel that if I ring anybody up I'm going to be the needier one, being sick and grumpy and in need of cheering up and all, hence will be causing a drain on the other person's resources instead of being of net use/help/enjoyment to them. I take such a transactional view of social support don't I? (See Caltabiano & Sarafino, 2002) And even if I do ring someone up to ask how they are and see to their needs, part of me will still feel suspicious that I'm in some way tricking them into helping me (under the guise of me seeing how they are), if that makes any sense.

See how the mind rambles when one is sick. Mind is active, yet frustrated by inactive body.

Wonder if I should tutor at 8pm tonight... I have already changed them once (tho that wasn't actually my fault, they didn't turn up when they were supposed to) and they are new.

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Added at 9:30pm:

Dave came over this afternoon. Yay! Made me feel heaps better, emotionally (i.e. looked after and comforted) if not physically. Though physically I think I'm starting to improve, too. I never get sick of his company!

Just tutored student. Throat is getting a bit worn out and coughy, tho not as sore as before. Used about 6 comfy tissues in an hour, which is a slight improvement on 100 tissues yesterday. Looking forward to more improvements! Especially as have a proper *date* with Dave tomorrow, lol... dinner and MSO concert. Swish eh? (Think I'm starting to write in joanium style here...)

Parents still don't want me to go to Canada, d'oh... :-( What should I do?

Sick

2005-09-28T18:50:00.000+10:00

I am now officially 'sick'. Officially sick, in fact, until the end of Friday, going by my medical certificate. I am also on amoxycillin capsules which remind me that I am actually Sick as opposed to just sick. My nose has turned into a mucus factory, my throat is swollen and sore, and I double over in pain every time I sneeze (due to throat; but I haven't sneezed that often, thank goodness). I've been sleeping most of today, uck...

At the start of the week I thought I was going to be doing 5 hours of tutoring this week, and make enough money to pay for the next 2 violin lessons, yay! But unfortunately one didn't turn up on Monday and I'm having to cancel tonight's two hours... boo...

Semiopathy

2005-09-26T23:17:00.000+10:00

Back in Melbourne now, having brought back a virus from Sydney with me. Tis a gobbling-up-cell-quickly one, so sudden onset, sore throat, runny nose, dry cough caused by epithelial debris. Body is cooking up an interferon and APC storm, so am a bit fatigued and have sore neck full of lymph nodes (am making it sound worse than it is, hehe), which isn't that good when you have two assignments and one essay due in the next 7 days...

On a more interesting note, found this website - it's an entertaining read, well if you're amused by the same things I am, anyway.
http://cas.bellarmine.edu/tietjen/Fun%20Stuff/from_new_scientist.htm

Sydney - Day 3

2005-09-23T02:14:00.000+10:00

It's feeling slightly a drag now to have to write blog everyday... even though there is lots to write about. Probably partly because it's past 2am... the boys are singing to this Playstation game Singstar, where you get points for singing the right notes at the right times... but it's really poppy, boppy stuff, so I don't really know any of the songs... tried to sing some of the songs I half-knew, but was pretty hopeless... end up 1000 points behind Andrew or something like that!

Yawn. So tired! Party went well I guess... met Rachel (finally!) which was nice (she and Step are getting married in December). Thomas Sewell has grown a beard, and Step has shaved off his. Food was very scrumptious - favourite was mango pudding for dessert. David's parents are still packing up the huge amount of cutlery and crockery... they're such devoted parents - and a really lovely family!

Sigh... so sleepy, can't write much at this hour. Visited UNSW - it's got some really nice gardens and stuff... quite new so nicely planned and built. There's this device called the Foucault pendulum inside the old mathematics building, which hangs from its ceiling several storeys up, and ends in a big metal ball several cm from the ground. If you pull the ball towards you and let it go, it starts swinging, but every 7 minutes or so the direction of swing changes by 1 degree.... apparently it's because of the rotation of the earth, but I don't *quite* get it.... coz the pendulum is also attached to the earth, so why doesn't it move along with the earth? Can somebody provide a *rigorous* explanation (i.e. not some handwavy thing that just says, 'the ball is hanging all the way down and doesn't touch the ground, therefore it will spin when the earth rotates)?

Sleepy..... to bed... guess you'll just have to ask me if you want to know anymore about today.

Sydney Day 1 continued and Day 2

2005-09-21T22:34:00.000+10:00

I don't like going back and rewriting stuff in blog that's already been published because I reckon people will think they've read that particular blog and so won't read the edited version. So rest of Day 1 stuff I was going to write:

Finished the day at a shop called Gelatissimo... had 16 mini-flavours of gelati... had conversation with David's parents talking about medicine and medical specialties... both parents are GPs, though David's dad used to be a nephrologist in Hong Kong. They both like medicine very much (it's probably in the genes!) I'm still confused as to what specialty I'll go into. I don't really have a passion for any of them... though leaning more towards paediatrics now, think there's more difference to be made there. Anyway...

Sydney seems bigger and glitzier than Melbourne. Apparently, Melbourne is European and Sydney is American. The streets certainly seem broader - partly explained perhaps by the lack of trams. Everything is huge - huge buildings, huge universities - Sydney uni extends over several blocks and we had to go up and down bridges to get from the bookshop to the maths building. The maths building was huge - 8 storeys! Perhaps they actually get funded there. The trains are also bigger - they are double-deckers, and have cooler seats than Melbourne, that swing around so you can choose which way you face. ;-p

Today took train to the city again around lunchtime, and David and Andrew dropped me off at Myer (previously Grace Bro, which apparently changed all its signs to Myer overnight) to have lunch with Vince in the food court. You may have noticed Vince's comments here and there - he was at April 1999 mathscamp but I haven't seen him since then - 6 years! Winsa also came for lunch - they both work as actuaries, having graduated a couple of years ago. Winsa had done some travelling between graduating and working - including a two-month holiday in Germany! Vince was remarking how he regretted not taking the opportunity to do that - have a loooong holiday before working! Dave, perhaps you can do that. ;-p Maybe we can go to Canada in November and stay for a couple of months. ;-p

Did more shopping today - got a bit of shopping fatigue in the afternoon, which happens to me if I shop for too long - I think because of the bright lights. My head starts to feel heavy and has this dull pulsating ache (2/10) and I don't feel like doing anything. We bought some cheap CDs (I exerted some self-control and resisted temptation to buy DVDs) and also some chocolate. David bought lots of very expensive exquisitely made chocolate for his party tomorrow night, and we had some coffee at the Lindt store - the only one in the world, apparently, that uses only Lindt chocolate. Sydney is a consumer's paradise. I could say a materialist's paradise but that sounds a bit too cynical.

Had a mini-nap when got home, so head feels a bit better now. Played some violin, tho still feel bad about not playing more, and not doing any work. This is what happens to me when I go out too much, methinks.

David is just getting back now from cell group, with Denise. They asked me to go but I decided not to coz was a bit tired, but spent a lot of the last few hours playing computer games - Typing of the Dead, and Warcraft *II* - lol... practised a bit of violin too tho... and wrote this blog.

Miss Dave lots - might go give him a call soon.

Sydney Day 1

2005-09-20T22:58:00.000+10:00

Has been a long day with so many happenings and thoughts but feeling quite tired now, so will try to keep it concise. Arrived last night, and got back to David's place at about 11. Got shown to the bungalow at the back of their house where I am to stay for the next few days - and it was really nice! I hadn't been expecting much more than a bed and bathroom, but there was also a little sitting room with plump garfield cushions, a TV, microwave, fridge and bookcase (with Doraemon books, hehe, as well as lots of old textbooks and books preparing people for scholarships, hehe). The bedroom was also quite comfy, with just enough room for a bed and some little cupboards and racks, adjoining a little wash-area, with a heater. So, slept very comfortably - it's very quiet at the back too, and surrounded by foliage so doesn't get too bright. Also met his sister Denise who's in 2nd year med at UNSW (he's the final year of the old course, she's the first year of the new course, lol) and re-met his parents. He showed us his turtle collection in his room, and could hardly believe my eyes when I saw his new one (which someone had given him recently) - it was purple coloured, and wearing a wizard hat! (Some of you may not get this, but anyway - I thought it was quite hilarious and took a couple of photos of it.)

This morning, got up earlier than expected, played 30min of violin - wasn't very good but I was in a good mood so didn't mind TOO much. After breakfast we went to the city to have a look around - David showed us this CD shop with practically all its stock at $10! - I ended up buying a 4CD set of songs from musicals, at $10 total. Crazy, huh? I don't know of any such stores in Melbourne. We were in a bit of a rush so might go back there another day to buy some more stuff (tho not TOO much), including a Crowded House CD for Dave, if I can find one. There was also a store called 'Fine Music' where Deutsch Grammophon CDs were being sold for $10 - didn't end up buying any, may go back tomorrow... although I did find a CD with Kabalevsky's Violin Concerto on it, one of my AMus pieces and a recording of which I'd been looking for forever... only to find that the one CD was... $35. Decided I wasn't crazy enough to pay that much for a single CD.

After some more random walking, David and his sister Denise left to go to UNSW, and Andrew and I took a bus for Broadway shopping centre, right near USyd, where we were to meet Peter. We were early, and discovered a nice park nearby, so just sat there and read for awhile (and took a couple of photos) while waiting. There were ducks and a fountain in a lake as well! The ducks kept dipping their face and neck into the water repeatedly, for some unknown reason... I took a photo of that too.

After having lunch with Peter, we walked across the park and oval to USyd, where we met Liz, and talked to her for awhile. She's doing Honours in chemistry atm, and is applying for a PhD in the UK. Halfway through Andrew Phillips rang and came by as well - he's doing Honours in physics, something about writing a theoretical model for sleep... yawn ;-p... no actually it sounds quite interesting, though I'm not sure where the physics comes in - must be something to do with how the neurons fire and the circuits connect up - Andrew, if you read this please correct me on that. Liz then had to go to more work (she's very hardworking), so Andrew took us to the bookstore, where Andrew K had a voucher he had to use. While wandering around and while Andrew (K.) was in the Japanese section (probably), I had an interesting conversation with Andrew (P.) about God and religion and... yeah... how I became a Christian and why I believe and that sort of thing... also he was expressing how he didn't mind other people's religions but didn't like people going about it too militantly and 'shoving it down [his] throat'... which I can understand, though I can also see the other side where to be Christian means you have a genuine belief in the good news of salvation - and how can one be so selfish as to keep this news just for oneself?...

Anyway, not long after that conversation, Peter rejoined us. I found a book called 'Chinese in Three Months' which looked good for learning to speak and understand Chinese, so bought it for Dave. We went back to Peter's office (he's doing Honours in maths, but he's already finished it and applying for PhD in the US - seeing a pattern here people?) and played Transfer chess: Peter & I vs. Andrew and Andrew. Peter and Andrew P., being much better players, played a lot faster than Andrew K and I, with the result being that after awhile they had hardly any pieces left on their board while we had stacks and stacks of pieces waiting for us next to our board... so every time I tried to checkmate Andrew, he just put another rook or knight to defend... it just wasn't getting anywhere... and in the end we all got fed up with the non-ending game so I just sacrificed one of my queens for several minutes of interestingness which then of course allowed Andrew P to checkmate Peter. lol it was fun tho. After that we played Gluck - a crazy game that is sort of 4 or 5-player solitaire on steroids. David got very grumpy because he was losing... and started complaining about himself, the game and other pple... he's quite competitive and gets a bit like that in games. :-p I probably used to get annoyed at him over that, but try not to take too much notice of it these days. (hmm, probably also helped by the fact that near the end I started getting a streak where I kept winning each round... funny as I didn't win any up to then!)

Had to quickly rush and catch a bus back to the city and then a train to Chatswood for dinner (I kept thinking, 'Chadstone'. But alas not.) Went with the whole family to Gourmet Pizza Kitchen (GPK) for dinner - don't know if there are any similar shops in Melbourne, but there were really cool pizzas, like chicken in teriyaki sauce with coriander; tandoori chicken with mango chutney, smoked salmon with cream cheese, etc!

Oh d'oh, gtg... more later.

Lotsa stuff!

2005-09-13T23:55:00.000+10:00

Got P's last Thursday. Yay! Though Dad still refuses to let me drive on my own. His car anyway. Though uncle offered to let me drive his old car whenever. :-p

Will see. Probably too busy for driving atm! So much to do. For a start AMus exam is only just over a month away, and I'd like to hold an informal concert about two weeks before that, to have a practise run-through of the pieces. Yet I haven't had any lessons for two weeks, and am going to Sydney for 5 days next week... oh well, might have to squeeze in a lesson on Monday morning at 9. Ouch...

Added to that are gazillions more birthdays. Two this weekend, two next week, and that's not counting my sister's (though she's not really having a party, I don't think). Also two Christian conferences this weekend, neither of which I am going to, due to birthday party in evening (AND Daniel's also holding a party!) and medball, which is on Friday night. Everything seems to have been squished into a very small time period! Now, parties are fun, but having them all at once is a bit like receiving a big box of chocolates for Christmas and eating them all in one day!

Really looking forward to med ball. Have bought new dress for it! (Syndicate was having a big sale, only cost $80.) It's black and purple, should be good for a masquerade ball. Though have no idea what am actually supposed to wear to masquerade balls - a mask? No idea where to get one. Thanks to Dave for helping me to get the dress (long story!) and for being so understanding and wonderful on Sunday (and most other days).

Also looking forward to going to Sydney (though I don't think Dave is looking forward to me going :-( ). Am going with Andrew, ol' friend from school and IMO, to visit David Chan, another fellow IMO team member (whom I did not use to have such a high opinion with, hehe (and probably vice versa), but somehow we have become good friends (must have been those late-night psychologist sessions at NMSS 2002 that rendered me a grumpy wreck during the day trying to survive on V) - but anyhow getting off track, will save stories for 21st party speech! It will be good to catch up with Sydney people I've met over the years at maths camps - especially those who don't ever come to Melbourne! Might write more about that in blog next week.

UMO tomorrow - for those who don't know it's a maths relay, where people in teams of 5 run up and down the lecture theatre solving maths problems. Sounds geeky, but is actually a really competitive and fun atmosphere, bordering on hilarity at times when crazy things happen, like getting pelted by lollies or having your table collapse and papers fly everywhere just when you are concentrating on a problem (as happened to me last year, which earned me a look of incredulity from the person similarly concentrating next to me - clearly, I'd broken his concentration). Despite the people concentrating, it is also very loud, with cheerleading squads sometimes sporting matching uniforms and teams shouting support to their runners. Which may pose further problems for the people concentrating. But I am REALLY randomly rambling here, probably because I'm eager to finish this blog and get to bed! Anyhow, it's loads of fun, adrenaline-pumping, endorphin-producing, heart-racing stuff. Seriously! And if you don't believe me, why don't you try it out yourself - 1pm tomorrow, maths building.

Another thing that's been on my mind is whether or not to press on with the plan to go on exchange to McGill (in Quebec) next year. For some reason I don't seem to have such a strong drive to go as I might have had, say, last year. Part of it is no doubt becoming more attached to Dave as our relationship becomes stronger. He's moving out and starting to work as a doctor next year, and I feel that it's a time I ought to (and would like to) stay and help him with stuff and be a support for him. At the same time, I will be able to get 2 subjects out of the way in the summer, and an extra one in 1st semester next year, lightening my load in future clinical semesters. What I'd be giving up in exchange is an opportunity to really improve my French, learn to live more independently, and explore a new part of the world that is culturally both similar and quite different (due to language) to Melbourne. Although, I'd be going at the start of January, so it'd be cold... very cold. *shiver* Advice, anyone?

Busy September

2005-09-04T17:41:00.000+10:00

I can't believe it's September already! And September is such a busy month. For a start, everybody seems to have been born in September (hmm, perhaps that makes December the busy month... but for me, at the moment, September it is). I have been invited to about 8 (seriously) birthdays all for September - which is probably to be expected as many of my friends are turning 21. Unfortunately, I'm not enough of a socialite and extroverted enough to go to them all... so am having to turn some of them down, especially those that are on the other side of the city.
I went to my first 21st of the month last night, the birthday girl was a friend of mine from school who now goes to Monash. It was nice seeing lots of people from school again, though I don't think I fit in particularly well with the gossip scene... and it was a bit difficult actually talking to people because of the loud music. But I guess that's what parties are about... :-) One of our other friends from school has just gotten engaged 3 days ago, which was rather exciting news... and she was showing off her lovely diamond ring. :-) Towards midnight people started getting drunk (there was a nice supply of alcohol at the party, which is both good and bad ;-p) and I started getting tired... we ended up leaving 1.5 hours later than I wanted to, because the other people in the car I drove up with didn't want to go... oh well... more reason to get P's soon. :-)

Hmm... I think I am sounding lethargic and unenthusiastic again. I think that's one of the things being busy does to me... did AIMO and AMOC marking all weekend, was busy Friday and Saturday night... haven't had a lot of time to just chill out and relax. (Hmm... I wonder why I don't think of parties as times to 'chill out and relax'? Probably has something to do with the fact that I'm an INFJ.) Lent Bronwyn 'A Fresh Start' - hope she reads it coz it's a really good book (hehe, wonder if she'll see this ;-p). Didn't get to go to St Judes today coz of late party last night :-( and didn't get to spend much time with Dave today as had to go home for tutoring, but it was a beautiful day, with lots of fluffy white clouds... :-)

I am sounding rather random now, and should be going to do some work on an assignment due tomorrow. This week I have my last dance class before medal night, argh! And we haven't even learnt one of the routines... also must change my plane ticket to Sydney...